Woohoo! Backstage! Alright! Who's with me? Backstage is where all the good stuff happens. As the hair metal videos of my youth taught me, the rowdiest, most unhinged rock 'n' roll moments of all time take place here.
When I was finally old enough attend concerts, I'd stand by the side of the stage, craning my neck to see who'd have access. I imagined what it looked like on the other side of the velvet rope: trays of fancy food everywhere, every kind of libation imaginable, and there was the hope that something, anything could happen. And, it would rule.
Of course, once I got older and actually got to go backstage, I realized that it wasn't like the Motley Crue video I had in my head AT ALL. In reality, the guys in the bands would all seem tired, stressed out, and chat away on their cell phones to their girlfriends back home, relaying the monotony of their lives on the road. Instead of fully-stocked deli trays, there would be a half of a stale pita on limp lettuce leaves. Open bar? Not quite. More like bottled water and maybe a can of Bud Light, if you're lucky. Where's the rowdiness? Where's the spontaneity?
As for the band dudes themselves, it's been pretty much of a letdown too. And, so we have arrived at our theme this week: hooking up with dudes in bands and having it go over like a lead balloon. After all the fuss and buildup, in the end, they probably should've just remained on the bucket list.
Do you have any good stories about smooching a rock star? Send 'em on over to us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We wanna know!