October 17, 2008

Reader Submission: The Neverending Sleazy

This next story comes to us from our reader Jane. We've all been there. And, by we, I mean any girl who has ever tried to hook up with any boy in a band that ever existed. I'm sure there are old ladies going around still complaining about how lousy the dude who played the violin on the Titanic was. There must be historical records of Roman ladies fed up with their local lute players. I mean, that's just history right there. Take it away, Jane:

I don't really like band boys, but during the summer after I broke up with my high school boyfriend I was pretty pathetic and was looking for straight-up hookups. An indie band (I wish I could remember their name, they never made it big, but they did tour for many years) was staying at my friend's house, and the drummer was kinda hot. I tried flirting him up, but it was a no go.

The singer, on the other hand, took to flirting with me by…pulling my hair!??! This winner also brought his personal mini-humidifier with him on tour. Who does that? Like I said, I was pathetic, so gave in and took him home with me late that night, or early that morning, whichever.

After about an hour or more of sack time, he still had not finished. I gave him a while longer and then was like, "I'm tired, and need to get some sleep so I can go to work tomorrow," in an attempt to hurry him up. He got pouty and still never finished on his end.

I finally had enough and drove him back to the house his band was at just so I could get some sleep after the worst night of never ending sex I've ever had. That sex was so supremely un-rocker-like; a guy with a humidifier who couldn't come! I then hooked up with the guitarist of a very popular political hardcore band – if you can call any political hardcore band popular – and dated him for ten years!

Wow. What a fussy, unfun, un-rocker way to act. He should go back to rocker school, watch some early Van Halen videos, and learn how to kick it up a few notches. "Less Death Cab, More Motley Crue." Learn it; live it.


Anonymous said...

hahaha! Dude, I've been with one of those, too. The whole time I was thinking "please just finish this shit up before my dad gets home from work..." The mini-humidifier is classic. And as for the political hardcore dude, I've had some decent lovin' from a couple of those. Goddamn guys in bands. So sexy. So self-involved.

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