October 6, 2008

Dear Shmitten Kitten: What's The Deal With Dudes Being Drink-Buying Dicks?

Woohoo! We have Dorothy Robinson, co-author of Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have To Do It Anyway) on hand to answer another one of our readers' burning questions. Listen up class, Ms. Robinson is gonna kick the knowledge:
Dear Shmitten Kitten,

Why do boys get so freakin' pissed if they buy you a drink and they don't get more than a thank you? I had a guy announce to the whole bar that no one should buy me drinks after I only made a few minutes of conversation with him, thanked him, and moved on. It was only four dollars and he offered! I didn't ask for it! Do guys really think that by buying you a drink it means they have rights to you for the rest of the night?

Turned Off By The Whole Thing
Dear Turned Off,

I love drinking. I also love chivalry. You would think that when these two things combine, it would manifest itself into free drinks all night long, purchased by nice gentlemen whose only goal for the night is to see you have a fun time. This is not the case.

Men buy you drinks because it's an opening to pretend like they're being chivalrous, when in fact they just want to see you naked. So when your nakedness doesn't happen, they get pissed. It's like when you put 25 cents in one of those crane games thinking you can totally hook a stuffed animal and get frustrated when it slips through the pinchers. You are out of your investment and a stuffed Shamu.

Look, I know you, your conversation, and access to your lady parts cost way more than $4, and why men think that a free drink is cost of admission, I have no idea. But, their frustration is genuine. I always suggest that unless the guy looks like someone you want to talk to, turn down the offer. You--and your time--is worth way more than a free drink. -Dorothy Robinson


Anonymous said...

Refusal of free drinks has been my bar philosophy for years, and it does reduce the number of barside pests I encounter.

But it also puts the onus on women, as usual, to be on the defense against the bad behavior of some men. Can anything else be done to school the lads?

J said...

The thing is: it's unreasonable for guys to assume buying a girl a drink will lead to anything more than that.

But guys are offering to buy you a drink for ONE reason: they think you are attractive and hope to at the very least get your number if not ya know, get to sleep with you.

By accepting the drink you don't owe guys anything, but of course, the point is they are buying you the drink not to be nice or because you look smart, but because they hope this will one day, at some point lead to naked time.

It's just true, so better to not accept the drink, if you don't see yourself capable of fancying the buyer.

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