March 3, 2009

Dear Shmitten Kitten: Status Anxiety

This week, one of our readers writers in with a serious question. Let's take a look:
Dear Shmitten Kitten, 
This is a weird question and I totally feel like a sixth grader for asking you this, but when is it ok to change my relationship status? I've been kickin' it with a dude for almost a month. We've decided not to see anyone else but we haven't gone ahead and made the public declaration about our commitment to each other.

Part of me thinks the whole thing is lame, but part of me wants to announce to the world that I have a man! I don't want to be a freak and change my status before he does. So, what's the answer? Do we have to do it simultaneously? I don't want to bring it up to him, but at the same time, I'm itching to click that button!

Good to Go
Whoa, GTG. We hear ya. There's something reassuring about seeing your name in the newsfeed next to a heart icon announcing that you are in a relationship to your friends, acquaintances, and people you never liked but felt weird about hitting the "ignore" button on. Weeeee! It feels like you are on a technological love slide. That's a powerful rush, we know.

But, on the other hand, you don't want your dude to know that you care about those things. So, what's the answer? Write "Your Name is in a relationship with His Name" on a piece of paper. Get crafty. Put some glitter on it. Draw a heart or two; really doll this thing up. Once you have it looking all nice and pretty, mail it to yourself. Because really, no one gives a fuck about your budding beau like you do. There, I said it. Boom!

The only people who are going to care about this life update of yours are your mouth-breather exes and you know that this will prompt them to rummage around your profile like it were a sock drawer, hunting for info about your new suitor. Your best friends already know that you two are an item, so leave it at that for now. Besides, we all know that clicking the "single" button when it doesn't work out is one of the sharp pains of 21st century living. Spare your future self the discomfort. Your future self will thank you for it.

Have a question that's been keeping you up at night? Drop us a line at and we will take you seriously. Girl Scout's honor.


Lora said...

that's a little harsh!
but seriously, GoodToGo- I feel your pain. I feel like relationships haven't officially started or ended unless its in writing on some website. sigh. maybe i need to get out the arts and crafts box and start mailing shit to myself.

Anna said...

I know! I was a little harsh in my reply. But, really, isn't that what we're all thinking? I'm like the Andrew "Dice" Clay of dating advice!

Unknown said...

your response is hilarious!! i feel GTG's pain. But making it FB official means you have to also announce when you break up as well. can you deal w/ that kind of attention? :) i would probably wait until it's more serious, more time has gone by. :)

Jilly B said...

yeah, I agree.. I think pressing the "cancel relationship" button is a lot worse. After two years with my ex, I had to press that.. and you get a storm of messages from people you haven't even talked to in years. If you're fine with that idea than do it.

Julia said...

there is nothing worse than those couple of "friends" you have that are in and out of relationships on facebook. It makes people who aren't close to you think you are an attention seeking flake. I wouldn't put myself through that.

Stephanie Says said...

on my status i'm listed as single and one day trying to be a comedienne i tried to change my fb status instead to "it's complicated" and when it said to who i wrote "with every dude ever". because really-it's the truth.every relationship IS complicated!
this brought on a huge slew of everyone asking me who i was dating-even best friends. this was until i realized facebook doesn't allow writing who it is complicated *with* unless they have an actual facebook profile.unfortunately facebook doesn't buy into my truth.

Pop Culture Casualty said...

Once you go "in a relationship", that means you have to "single" when it doesn't work out. And take it from someone that knows - that is embarassing. I waited a year to change my status. I should have waited until the ring was on the finger.

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