April 10, 2009

Tip Our Hats: You Are One of Philly's Finest!

You are a man in uniform. It's really cool that you care about keeping citizens safe and making this town a better place; we'll salute that. When you whip out your badge to show us that, yes, you are one of Philly's finest, we "ooooh" and "ahhhh" as it catches the light. Flash it again! It's like starring in our own Law & Order episode, but without the "ripped from the headlines" part. As a plus, you know someone that knows someone who can take care of any errant parking tickets. It's awesome! What's not to love about dating a cop?

Just kidding! It's totally a bonerkiller that you are a cop because, seriously, you brought a loaded gun into the bar while you're off-duty. That's just nuts. If anyone else did that, they'd be labeled a domestic terrorist. So, you work five days a week from midnight to 8am? That's really gonna work with our schedule (no, it won't.) Oh, and your offer to stop by our house after every shift just to, "make sure we're safe" just made us do a full body shudder. Spoiler alert: we're not interested in having you borderline stalk us.

The only guys who who look good in a uniform are the Hot Cops from Arrested Development. And you, my dear, are clearly not one of them. Sorry, but we're gonna have to pass on your patrol car ride-along date suggestion. We don't care if this means that you'll tell all of your cop buddies to stop us for going 3mph over the speed limit just 'cause we dissed you; that's the price we'll pay for pretending we never met.

Listen, we love the fact that cops exist in society and protect us, but this one particular cop needed to be locked up in dating jail. Are there hot cops in this town? Have you guys dated any? Is Officer Shady McShaderson an anomaly? Let us know!


Anna said...

Don't get me wrong, I love cops as a part of a functioning society, but this particular cop was pretty much offensive in every way possible. Yikes!

yellaphant said...

- You knew all along didn't you?
- Sorta. One of the hot cops was my choir teacher.

Julia said...

I am glad I am not the only one who has been stalked by a cop

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