July 24, 2009

Unscientific Poll: Shoulda Woulda Coulda

Let's go down the list:
  • I shoulda known it wasn't gonna work out when he returned my texts hours later, even though he's glued to his freakin iPhone.
  • I shoulda known when we went out with his friends and he spent more time drinking and talking with them than with me.
  • I shoulda known when he spent entire "dates" on that stupid phone, even during mini-golf! I didn't know it was possible to talk and putt at the same time!
  • I definitely shoulda known when he introduced me to his grandparents as "a friend."
  • And I 100% definitely shoulda known when I had dinner with his family and I ended up eating on the backyard patio--alone--since there were no seats left inside at his family's table. WTF?
Do you guys have any red flag moments you look back on and realize that you shoulda known a long time ago that this was going nowhere? Kinda like in The Wedding Singer when Julia realizes she shoulda known it wouldn't work out because Glen never gave up his window seat. Somebody make me feel better by sharing your "shoulda known" moments with the rest of us. Because I shoulda woulda coulda but didn't.

22 comments:

Anna said...

I'd share my red flags but I know my exes read the site. Let me say that I hear you, sister!

Dennis said...

all I keep saying to myself is: This is fictitious and for humor, right?

Anna said...

Dennis, you are half right. It is non-fictitious but it is for humor.

Jon Asher said...

I should have known when she asked me if I wanted to see a picture of her ex-boyfriend naked.

cc said...

Similar dinner story:
Shoulda known when we went out to dinner with his parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandmother...and he forgot to introduce me to any of them...a good year+ into our relationship!

Jilly B said...

Shoulda known when I was helping clean his apartment so he could move out, was on my hands and knees scrubbing his kitchen floor... and he was talking to ex girlfriend on the phone outside..

Anna said...

Jilly! That's so sad. Fuck him!

Alright, I'll bite. Mine's a little different, but I shoulda known it wasn't going to wok out when he never managed to leave his girlfriend even though he'd tell me constantly that I was his "dream girl." I held out hope for like a year that he would leave her and start dating me. Wish I could go in a time machine and tell myself that he was a bum. It would've saved me some heartache.

Baby J said...

I shoulda known when he wouldn't sleep with me on Sundays because of Jesus.

I shoulda known when he told me "I can't hang out, my soul hurts."

annnd

I realllllly shoulda known time he suggested we went "on a break."

homeandapple said...

I shoulda known when we were at the mall with my friends and he decided it would be funny to spit down the back of my shirt.

Diane said...

Oh my God, this post and comments are the most cringe-inducing things I've ever read! I just want to hug everyone!! My brain has put up a temporary, protective mental block on my shoulda moments. For now, I'll just say to Lora, Jon Asher, cc, Jilly B, Anna, Baby J, homeandapple: *HUGS!* let's eat some cupcakes and drink some booze together. That should help, right?

Felicitas said...

I should have known when he (after sending mixed signals for months) said: "Oh, you should start dating that guy. He seems really nice and caring."
CRINGE...

Anna said...

I hate mixed signals! I want to punch mixed signals in the face.

CH and LK said...

Yeah, FUCK mixed signals! Oh man, I have had far too many of these "should have known" moments to even count... but for starters:

I should have known...

- when he told me he wasn't "the monogamous type."

- when he told me that the first time he saw a movie starring Paul Newman, he thought he was gay for a week.

- when I snuck a peek his driver's license and found out he was actually 28 years old, not 24 (I was 18)

Each one of those was a different guy, mind you.

edder said...

I shoulda known the first time he kissed me. Ever been licked on the face by a llama?

Anna said...

I have not been licked on the face by a llama, but I have been kissed by a dude with a toxic potion of whiskey/cigarettes/morning breath. I asked him to brush his teeth and he refused! Who does that?

aksnycred said...

I've been here done all of that my dear friend!!! I fell ya sista!! Where's my damn llama!! lol...can I even get a chicken? Shooot...

Juls215 said...

when he invited the girls from work home for the weekend to meet his parents but he never invited me.

Jackie said...

I should have known when he borrowed money from me for rent and offered to take me out to dinner to thank me when he got his unemployment check. I came home to find that he had spent it all on weed and beer... drank all of the beer before I got home from work and threw up on the stoop. I stepped in it.

bianca said...

I should have known the minute I realized he wasn't "getting his bag out of my trunk" and that he was actually taking my car out for a spin to smoke weed in it (forbidden in my car which was in my FATHERS name) ...and left me stranded for an hour at his colleague's BBQ with a bunch of strangers.

Is it really sad that I had like, five things to pick from for this and they all sounded equally awful? And, um, and for the record, I agree: I want Anna to punch mixed signals in the face!

miss bee said...

i shoulda known the first time i showed up at his house unexpected and his ex girlfriend was there.

maybe also should have known the fifth time i showed up and she was there.

Emily said...

shoulda known that he wasn't going camping when he didn't pack his tent

shoulda known when i showed up unannounced and all the deadbolts were locked

good to know i'm not the only one!

dudeswedneverdate said...

I shoulda known when he played colors of the wind, for me, on his flute.

I shoulda known when he was dating someone else, but that she "didn't matter" and still tried to sleep with me anyway. (disclaimer: naturally, I dismissed his advances, because even though I don't know her, she does matter, and did matter at the time because she's a person with feelings.)

I DEFINITELY shoulda known when he called me a month later because he broke up with her, and thought we could work things out.

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