October 1, 2009

Unscientific Poll: Guys Who Joke About Marrying Me On Our First Date Rarely Want To Marry Me By Our Third Date

This has happened to me enough where it's starting to become a "thing." The date is going great: We're enjoying our meal, el vino is flowing and we're--for lack of a better word--vibing. (I know that sounds hippy-ish, but you know what I mean.) Then, I say that one thing that blows their hair back. Maybe I'll quote something from Arrested Development. Maybe I'll make a particularly funny Jurassic Park joke. After he drops his fork on his plate and holds both of his sides in laughter, he'll say, "Just marry me, now!" Then, we'll laugh. I'll blush. We'll pick up the conversation from where we left off doing our best to be unselfconscious about what just happened. It's awesome.

But, then by our third date...nothing. Somehow between our first date and our third date, I guess I became unmarriable? Where was the guy who got such a kick out of me that he considered--even just for a second--becoming legally bound to me? Where'd he go?

Has anyone out there actually married a guy who has told them that they should get married on their first date? Or, if you hear that phrase out of a guy's mouth, should you know that you'll be doomed, like if you tattoo the name of your significant other on your body you'll break up soon? Has this happened to anyone else or am I alone in this? I don't know. I give up.


G+G said...

This actually happened to me at the Khyber Speed Dating Party. I was talking to this guy and I said something funny and he was all, "I'll be right back, I need to go get an engagement ring." But then our time was up and the next time I saw him he was mackin on some other girl at the bar after. Jerk.

Julia said...

everytime a guy said this to me, i never heard from him again, i think they are just trying to get us in the sack.

Anna said...

THANK YOU! I thought it was just me. Guys are retarded.

Unknown said...

It's totally happened to me before and each time, the dude's been more of a dickbag than the last. Ugh. I give up. Every dude I date these days is like playing a game of "What kind of asshole are you? Oh, THAT kind."

Anna said...

I know I sound really bitter this week, but I can't believe how crummy each successive boy has been lately. Is it a full moon? Is there a sign on my back asking them to treat me like shit? What gives??

Anonymous said...

Ha! I got something similar on the way to dinner in his spotless silver Audi, "If you drove stick, I would marry you now." Wow. Really? Something as arbitrary as my ability to shift gears in manual, vs. automatic Elantra?

I think if any iteration of this phrase is dropped inside of three months of dating it's a heads up that he doesn't understand the seriousness of what he's saying at all. Want to be flippant about full-time commitment? NEXT!

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