November 21, 2009

Bonerkiller: You Spent Too Much Money On Our First Date

Attention Daddy Warbucks-y thousandaires: That's great that you wanted to sweep me off my feet by wining and dining me, but you blew it by dropping an insane amount of money on our first (and only) date.

You took me out for to a super fancy dinner at one of the best restaurants in town and then to fancy cocktails at a hotel as a nightcap. But, where do we go from there? Am I supposed to expect this first-class treatment on every date we go on? Put simply: I'm not a wise investment. It's only our first date. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm attracted to you and if I enjoy your company. Sorry, but this whirlwind night is putting me on edge. I feel like you're trying to wow me with all the wrong things. To paraphrase Shania Twain, this date doesn't impress me much.

By dropping, $200, $300, or even $400 dollars, you're putting waaaaay too much pressure on me. I can't enjoy this lovely wine because I'm too stressed about whether I want to kiss you at the end of this hullabaloo. And, even though you'll deny it, you are gonna expect something for the hundreds of dollars you just spent on me. You'll protest, "No! My Mom raised me this way. I'm just treating you like a lady." Yeah, a lady of the night!

Not to sound weird or ungrateful, but I see guys make this rookie mistake with me and my friends all the time. I'm not a finalist on The Bachelor. I don't need some insane production on our first date. No limos or helicopters or wild animals need to be rented. Honestly, a low-key dinner with great conversation will always be superior to a high-class date with a woefully skewed power dynamic. Besides, no one wants to date an ATM. It's not that much fun.

12 comments:

Jon K said...

Well shit

haha

allarevessels said...

I got a 40 and a roof with your name on it, doll.

Anna said...

Count me in!!!!!!

Anna said...

These are the problems I have: last week, a guy told me that for our first date, he wants to rent a limo, take me to NYC for a Broadway show, then out to some fancy restaurant. I'm like, "Can't we just go somewhere nice in Philly? Do we really need to rent limos and shit?" Eh.

This post probably sounds retarded. Oh well.

Noel said...

$400? Really? The most I ever managed to spend on a dinner was $150 and that was at the Belgian Cafe where its really easy to go overboard. How the hell do you even spend that much? Even the prix fixe menu at Le Bec Fin is only $195.

Diane said...

I don't think this post sounds retarded, Anna. I totally understand what you're saying. I feel REALLY uncomfortable when a guy spends a lot of money on a date. I end up having a crisis of principles in my mind, because I enjoy that he's being so chivalrous, but I also feel like I should be contributing equally. Does it mean I owe him? What is he expecting from me in return? I feel really guilty if I'm not feeling a connection with him.
But then again, I tend to overanalyze everything...

Anna said...

Noel, I'm gonna toss some math at you. For a first date last summer, some lawyer guy took me to Amada. We had the tasting menu along with several pitchers of sangria. the bill hovered around $250. Then, we went to some fancy hotel for drinks and dessert. That cost around $60. Add some valet parking to the mix as well as a few cabs rides around town and it all adds up.

As I get older, I've been dating lawyers here and there. They LOVE to show-off during dates because they never really go on them so when they do, they like to go all out. It SHOULD be amazing, in theory, but in practice it makes me squirmy.

allarevessels said...

Your dates sound like the ones I'd hear about on Love Connection when I was a kid. Back in 2 and 2.

Anna said...

Haha. Totally! They're not all like that. Just the ones with rich lawyers. Blah.

allarevessels said...

embrace that shit else you'll be stuck with a loser like me or the Fonz.

Anna said...

I like the Fonz! Guys who give thumbs up get a thumbs up from me.

Anna said...

Diane, EXACTLY!!

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