December 15, 2009

Dear Shmitten Kitten: Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Shady

Dear Shmitten Kitten,

First of all, hello. Second of all, what the fuck is up with dudes lately? When did Philly turn into Shady Lane? Almost every guy I meet has a girlfriend or--gasp!--a wife but they still hit on me like they're available. Once it gets going a bit, they either a) confess and back off b) try to downplay it until I find out on my own or c) plow through and pursue me anyway.

The weird thing is that these guys aren't even that hot, no offense. I mean, they're okay looking, but they really have NO REASON to be as shady as they are. They should be thrilled that any girl would want to hitch her trailer to that truck, why do they have to go potentiality ruin everything just for a little bit of my attention?

Every time it happens, I get more bummed out and more jaded. Are all guys like this or what? 

Sick of the Shade
Duuuuuuude. I KNOW! I have no idea where their chutzpah comes from. They've got balls the size of two cheesesteaks to pull this shit on us. I'm sure it's a perfect storm on his part of boredom with his lady, attraction to you, and the promise of an ego stroke down the line.

I, too, have witnessed this phenomenon firsthand. I'm gonna narrow my eyes and look off into the distance. Wait, hold on. Now, I'm gonna take a sip of this whiskey and adjust my cowboy hat. Sorry! I've been watching The Big Lebowski lately and I wanna pretend that I'm the Stranger for a minute. Pretend that my voice is gravelly.

"Darlin', there ain't nothing you can do about it. Them there boys have no idea how to handle themselves around a beautiful woman such as yourself. Just be glad that it ain't your dude that's acting this way and be thankful that you aren't his main squeeze."

Did that help? Or, you can do what I do: laugh in his face, tell all of your friends what a creep he is and forward them all the dorky texts he sends you. That'll work too!

Have a question you'd like us to kinda sorta maybe answer? Send it along to and tell us what we can do to help.

ps- cheesesteak balls! haha. ick.


Timothy said...

Thanks for posting that song. It just made my morning.

Anna said...

Yay! Glad you got a kick out of it.


Jeanette said...

I thought Philly was always Shady Lane? Or maybe I've just been exploring too many questionable lanes?

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