January 7, 2010

Bonerkiller: The Super Emo Haircut That Was Not On Your Head The Last Time I Saw You

I don't know if I missed a memo or what, but you now have the kind of haircut I'd spot on an art student in Berlin. That's a mighty swoop of hair, my friend. WHAT HAPPENED?

The last time I saw you--almost a year ago--you looked more like a high school quarterback than an AP magazine cover star. Maybe I should've taken your new found penchant for wearing supertight Diesel jeans and too-small cardigans with buttons poised to pop off into your $2 beer as a sign of your new style direction, but this haircut is a whole new level of what-the-fuckness.

What spurred this change? Was it the new promotion at work? Your recent birthday? The condo you just bought? Make sure to snag a Morrissey t-shirt, buy the new Crystal Antlers record, and procure American Crew hair gel in bulk to complete your new "look." Oh wait, hipsters hate hair gel. Instead, they all use air, cigarette ash and natural musks to perfect their coifs, thank you very much.

Now, with your Flock of Seagulls/ Christian from Project Runway $80 haircut, you have fully committed to fly that emo flag high, not just on your lunch break but for the entire 9am to 5pm day. Yikes.


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