I signed up online to be an ambassador to Maker's Mark, your favorite whiskey brand. I honestly thought that this would impress you that I'm not just a casual fan, but a devoted fan club member with my own fan club card and everything. As such, I now have my name carved on a barrel of Maker's Mark whiskey somewhere and I have a certificate to prove it. See?
I guess some part of my reptile brain thought it might impress you that I had limited-edition Maker's Mark swag strategically placed around my apartment for you to find. "Is that a Maker's Mark hand towel?" you'd (hopefully) ask.
After I pushed my glasses up my nose, I'd casually affirm, "Why, yes. Yes it is." I pictured your eyes growing wide with excitement that you finally found a girl to share your love of this whiskey brand with. We'd embrace and then, I don't know, drink some of it by a fireplace? I clearly didn't think this fantasy through.
Unfortunately, that scenario never happened. I can say that you honestly did not care about my fake Maker's Mark devotion. It did not impress you by any stretch of the imagination. Whatever. Truthfully, I'm a Jameson girl anyway.