I'll be up front: I hate cats.As cat lovers, all we have to say is:
"But wait!" you say. "You have a terrible allergy and that makes you biased!" It's true; I can't be in a house with a cat for more than ten minutes before I've used up all the tissues and I'm three seconds away from clawing my watering eyes out of my skull.
But, not so fast! I keep a special stash of extra-strength allergy pills that I use solely for the occasion of going to visit someone who has a cat. I even dated a girl with cats for two years. But, I still can't stand them.
This weekend there was a story in the news about a golden retriever that jumped in front of an 11-year-old boy who was being attacked by a cougar, and then the dog fought off the cougar until the Mounties came. Find me a cat that's going to do that. You can't!
Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the adorableness of a cat. I was at a New Year's Eve party where a tiny cat was curled up on a big stack of pillows and I was even heard to say out loud, "Aw, that's adorable." But it ends there.
I'm sure your cat has a great personality. And truly, I want to hear all about how he sits in the window and stares at the squirrels all day. But, a cat is like a bad roommate: He eats all the food, he hogs the sofa, and he pisses in places where he shouldn't be pissing. You just wish he'd get up and DO something for once.
A dog is like a wingman. He's watching out for you and he's got your back. He gets you girls in the park. Cats don't do any of that. A cat makes you work for them to even acknowledge you, whereas a dog's love is unconditional.
I hate cats, and that includes your cat. And that makes me a bad boyfriend.
[Previously: Things That Make Me A Bad Boyfriend: I Will Hate Your Dog]