January 4, 2010

Real Talk: Shacking Up

So, you’re officially moving in together in to his house. Yes, you love your man and you’re ready to take the relationship to the next step. But let’s face it: the economy sucks and you haven’t seen a paycheck in nine months. Maybe you’re wondering if he’ll ever start using a laundry basket instead of an errant plastic shopping bag and if all of your Kiehls products will fit in his wonky medicine cabinet. This is totally normal.

Here are some helpful hints to not completely cramp your dude’s style and make his home feel like your home.
1. Draw him a diagram labeled "your room" on a napkin. Get those ideas down on paper then give him the napkin. Once he can see your vision, it’s much easier to embrace these “new ideas” such as an open floor plan, a real closet instead of boxes, and a comfortable reading chair instead of a rickety wooden stool with a missing leg. It's like trying to read while a pirate is giving you a piggyback ride and it's gotta go.

2. Take mental notes. That VHS tape of 40 Days and 40 Nights collecting an impressive collection of dust in the living room like a piece of furniture, it’s gotta go too.

3. It’s 2010, so any electrical item that no longer has use must be driven to the nearest Good Will asap (i.e. cassette tape players, misc. cords, an old vacuum that never worked, floppy disk holders, etc.)

4. Be on the dog’s good side. He loves the dog.

5. If there is a roommate involved, get the roommate on your side too. Baked treats go a long way.

6. Goggle the phrase “win a home makeover” and register him in every sweepstakes you can possibly find. Then, hope for the best.

7. Don’t sign up for the show “Clean House.” The woman who hosts it is incredibly irritating.

8. Promise a 50” flat screen TV if he helps out with the changes you want. Hope that he forgets that you promised a 50” flat screen TV if he helps out.

9. This is controversial policy, but an essential one: don’t ask don’t tell. If you see something that has been neglected, just throw it out. Don’t even ask him if he wants to keep it. It’s most likely junk that his mother didn’t want in her house and then pawned off on him.

10. Make him watch Hoarders with you. Trust me on this.


Phil said...

This post gave me chills.

I just started imagining this future girlfriend ransacking my apartment and making everything match.

Anonymous said...

I don't know. As long as I've got some cold beer in the fridge and a hot woman in my bed... and we are IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER... I don't care how she wants to decorate the place. In fact, I think it might be the cutest thing ever watching her do it. It's just stuff, and if she likes to arrange it in some certain way that makes her really happy? So be it. She's claiming her space in my life and I'm letting her.

This is, of course, assuming that we already know each other very well by this point and she won't be putting up her grandma's crochet work as wall adornments. There is a line, but I don't think it's a hard line. If we've been together long enough to be moving in with each other... we probably have pretty similar tastes on how the place should look.

Anonymous said...

I never want to be the girlfriend who moves in and starts changing everything. It's so irritating.

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