January 15, 2010

Things In Her House That Make Me Sad: Her Irrational Hatred of Curtains

Speaking of issues with the windows in the house of a member of the opposite sex, what is with your unreasonable hatred of letting me sleep in? I'm not even talking about really sleeping in. Just until 9am would be fine with me. But every single one of your giant, Eastern-facing windows is covered with some fragile half-doily, half-wax paper looking shred of fabric. Sure, it may appear refined according to the most recent issue of Martha Stewart Living, but holy hell, woman, sometimes I want to sleep past sun-up. What are we, Amish? I'm half-surprised you don't have a pet rooster just to complete the theme.

In the middle of the summer, the light comes beaming into my eyes with the intensity of a hot laser at something like 4:45am. I feel like I'm under a magnifying glass. I was comfortable under your blankets a few minutes ago, but now I feel like an ant that an enormous child is trying to set on fire in his backyard.

So please, have some consideration for those that don't want to wake up an hour and a half after finally getting to sleep. I've got a hangover and the last thing I want right now is a blinding brightness that penetrates my closed eyelids. Get some real curtains. It doesn't have to be the wizard-shielding variety in The Wizard of Oz/ high school play opening night-grade heft, but really, ANYTHING--even blinds--would be better than this.

10 comments:

Amanda said...

Guilty. I've lived in my apartment for 7 months and still don't have curtains.

bradydale said...

This drives me insane. My parents have this in my house at home. What really pissed me off was when I was still living there and they replaced all my curtains with these horrible gauze things one day without asking me. It's terrible.

Blackout curtains only. I never open them. What is it with chicks and light? "I just really need light." No, actually, you don't. We've even got vitamin D in bread now. So chill out. Let's fill these in with bricks.

OK, i'm exaggerating, but... yessssssss... curtains.

julie g. said...

OMG, i totally hate curtains. I HATE HATE HATE not having tons of light in my room. guilty as charged.

dani said...

ha ha ha i am with the other chicks. i LOVE natural light. my bf and i got 'black out' curtains bc he hated light in the morning. he would leave them closed all day and play video games if he could. I NEED (diffused) SUNLIGHT

Jon K said...

Ladies, I don't know how to break this to you, but the magic of blinds and curtains is that THEY CAN BE OPENED WHEN NECESSARY. No one is asking you to paint your windows over in black.

Close them while sleeping, and when you get up, pull them open and greet the day. It's really a simple scenario.

Amanda said...

I'm not even going to front like my lack of curtains is caused by some innate lady need for natural light. I just can't reach the tops of my windows to hang curtain rods without procuring a ladder and I'm nine kinds of lazy.

jimmy said...

it's called a step ladder amanda

Fritsky said...

I am actually kind of freaked out by windows without curtains. Even if there are blinds, I still feel sort of exposed.

Jessica said...

Toooo funny. I've been procrastinating a purchase of heavy drapes in my bedroom. I will hereby bump them to the top of my list!

FMDL said...

I have just discovered this blog and this one has me laughing out loud. I will certainly be back for more laughs. And for the record, I have curtains in my bedroom.

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