March 8, 2010

Phrases We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "I Don't Like Labels"

You've introduced me as every combination of words in the English language except for that of "girl" and "friend." For instance:
"This is Lora."
"You just have to meet Lora."
"I'm so glad you finally get to meet Lora!"
And my personal favorite: "This is my very special lady friend, Lora."
What gives? We've been dating for months, hang out everyday, and I have even met your parents. I don't think it's a big deal to introduce me as your girlfriend. Your reply to that: "I just don't like labels."

Ok. Speaking of labels, I'd like to go ahead and label that phrase as one that I want to stab in the fucking face. It's not like I'm literally slapping a bumper sticker on your forehead. I'm not asking you to parade through the Piazza with a megaphone announcing that I'm your girlfriend. I just want to know where I stand for my own personal knowledge and contentment. Is that so terrible?

Labels are useful. For instance, labels help me maintain a gluten-free diet while shopping at Trader Joe's. And in this case, a label would let me know if it was cool or not to give my digits to that random hot bartender I met last weekend.

Your argument is that if you treat me like your girlfriend, then what does it matter if you call me your girlfriend? Actions speak louder than words, you say. I agree: The action of refusing to call me your girlfriend says, "I don't want to label you my girlfriend so that I can be free to makeout with other girls without feeling guilty."

How's this for a label: Fuck Off. I want to stab your anti-label sentiment phrases in the face.


Samantha said...

Love the Dharma labels.

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