March 3, 2010

Real Talk: I Only Dated You Because You Looked Like My Ex

This is a weird thing for me to admit, but I've dated a string of guys all because they've looked like my ex. It started to get kinda Synecdoche, New York a little bit: I kept re-casting these types of people in the same roles.

First, this one dude broke my heart. So, when I met a guy who looked like his doppelganger, I jumped at the chance to date him.  We went out for a while until he broke my heart too! FUCK!

So, what did I do? I went out with a third guy who was basically a third generation version of the first one. I was zipping through these dudes like iPods. It started to get a bit weird and I was terrified of running into the last guy with my new guy cause it'd be like some kind of Parent Trap sitch where they'd look like long lost twins so I had to cool it with that particular make and model of dude.

Am I the only one that does this? Have any of you guys every dated someone just because they looked like your ex? Let me know in the comments.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

i tend to think that every person you date is in some way a version of the first person you truly loved.

something i see in someone new is something knew in someone i already loved.

Whitney said...

I date ALL over the map, but in a crowded room my eyes will immediately go to the first boy that looks like The Ex That Broke My Heart.

Diane said...

Hm, at first I thought the guy after my first boyfriend (aka "the ex that broke my heart") looked just like my ex, but that soon faded as I learned that there was very little they actually had in common.
However, I have noticed that I tend to be attracted to and look for guys that look like the last guy I was with. Something or someone ends up knocking me out of the pattern, but for a while it's amazing how my brain will hone in on certain dudes but not others. And since there has been some variation in the guys I've dated, it's interesting how this attraction changes. For example: for a long while I would take notice of asian guys that remind me of my last summer romance; but a year ago it was indian guys, and before that it was persian guys, and before that it was white guys... Hm, I don't know if I should be admitting all this, I'm not sure it's making me look so good...

Anonymous said...

I did it once, and he didn't even really look like my ex, dressed like him was more like it.

Anonymous said...

Confirmation bias?

Lora said...

that first comment made me really sad :(

I tend to do the opposite though - I run away if someone looks like an ex. There is one boy around town that I constantly bump into and I start to get all weird and clammed up and stutter and he probably thinks I'm nuts, but he looks identical to my ex to the point where I think he IS my ex everytime he walks into a room and my heart stops until I realize its just his lookalike. I could never date that!

Anonymous said...

I thought I didn't, but then was looking at pictures and realized my last few girls had quite a few common features.

bianca said...

i had the opposite happen. i dated someone and then gradually, after we were through, discovered that i was more or less one in a string of other girls with key similar physical features, personalities, professions and interests.

it made me sad at first (when you like someone, you always want to think someone sees something unique in JUST you) but it also was an eye-opener. i didn't really know what to take from that experience (in general), so i just made it a point to be more aware of my own dating trends.

Anna said...

On the flipside, I get really pissed when a guy dates a short girl after me. I get upset, like not only has he rejected me, but now he's rejected the fact that I'm tall.

I find comfort if his next girl is tall in some weird way. I like knowing that he told the truth when he said that I was his type. Is that weird?

natatat25 said...

I just like your reference to Synecdoche a lot.
Otherwise, I'm doing the same thing right now. A friend pointed out to me that some of the guys I've been going out with lately look a lot like my ex, but I just shrug it off and say that they are the kind of people I'm attracted to.
Damn it all to hell!

My ex has done the same thing though. Of the three girls (including myself) that I know he's dated, there are patterns and similarities, not only in looks, but in the progress of the relationships.

I think it's kinda natural in a way though to go for what you have enjoyed in the past again.

Anonymous said...

Maybe there is something else he likes about the short girl. Don't take it personally!

Kelsey S. said...

I think if you have a very specific type you'll accidentally like guys who look like your ex.
That's the case with me, anyway.

Three out of five boyfriends have had VERY similar features.

Two of them even had German moms. Weird...

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