April 14, 2010

Phrases We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "I Wanna Take You On A Real Date"

Much like how guys who say that they want to marry me on our first date rarely want to do it by our third date, guys who tell me that they want to take me on a real date, fail to follow through in any way, shape, or form. They might as well tell me that they want to take me to Narnia because they are both FANTASTICAL PLACES THAT I'LL NEVER GO TO.

So, what constitutes a real date to him? Pull up a chair. He'll say, "First, I'll pick you up at your house." *eyeroll*

"Then, I'll take you out for dinner. Maybe we'll split a milkshake with two straws like a Norman Rockwell painting," he laughs. "You'll love it." *yawn*

"Then, we'll go to a movie."  *double yawn*

"Then, we'll go out somewhere for a nice dessert." *zzzzzz*

This date will NEVER happen. It's like the unicorn of date promises; it doesn't exist. This magical date evaporates as soon as he articulates it.

Oh, he'll protest when I playfully say that it will never happen. He'll emphatically promise you that it will. He'll even take out the calendar on his cell phone and tell you exactly on which day this magical date will happen. Don't buy it! It won't. 


al said...

The more I read this blog the more I question the viability of your sample size.

Either that or it fully demonstrates the problem with a non-random sample.

I guess what I'm saying is... try a new bar. :)

Anna said...

Ha! I've lived and loved in Chicago, New York City, and Philadelphia. I've had guys from all walks of life that I've know for five minutes up to five years say this to me. Just sayin!

Don said...

I'm confused. How is this different from a standard date? It's dinner and a movie. "Real date" implies a deviation from the norm, something special, a night that returns both of you to that early anxious part of the relationship where you're still learning who you are with each other. Like going out for Salsa lessons and then to a place with Salsa dancing, or renting a tandem bike to go on a picnic.
Maybe it's a flaw in my vocabulary. A "date" is something special. Dinner and a movie is "Let's get out of the house this weekend."

al said...

I stand by my assessment.

Anna said...

Don, this happens with guys who don't go on dates very often; they just hook up with girls a ton. Then, he meets me and somehow, I inspire him to want to go on a traditional date.

I remember this one cute blond boy who I flirted with for years. One day, we were flirting like always and he said, "I want to take you on a real date." I got excited about it. He never called. Every time I'd see him after that, he'd again insist that we were going to go on a "real" date, but it never happened!

But, I meet guys everywhere I go and I get asked out a lot. Sometimes it's a real thing, sometimes it's just him musing about what it'd be like to get his shit together and organize a proper date. It's a pretty common thing to happen.

Anonymous said...

I'm shocked!!

Anonymous said...

If the man doesn't take me on a "real" date the first time, then I know he's not capable of it. And by "real" date I mean drinks followed by some sloppy dancing and perhaps even some sloppier making out.

Eric E said...

Speaking of dates, Anna...was there ever a follow-up report on the Dream Date challenge from early February? Maybe my expectations have been warped by reality TV, but I was looking forward to reading about the "perfect date" that the contest winner took you on. Moreover, since you're known in southern Germany as the Simon Cowell of the East Coast Dating scene, I was especially intrigued by how you'd completely trash the poor guy for the unforgivable gaffs he was certain to make, like wearing square-toed loafers and making accidental eye-contact as he asked what astrological sign you are.

There's nothing better than witnessing the total emasculation and evisceration of some guy who is not me. There but for the grace of...etc etc.

Anna said...

Ok. The Dream Date thing was a bust. It was my friend's idea. He said that even if NO ONE tossed their hat in the ring, he'd write in as a candidate. I thought the whole thing was a rouse just so he'd have a way to ask me out. Long story short: he didn't write in and he got a girlfriend shortly thereafter.

If you know anyone that wants to take me on a dream date, kindly direct him to me. I'll go easy on him. Promise.

Anonymous said...

oh ive heard the 'real date' line a million times. you arent crazy, and you are also correct: typical of dudes who dont usually date, but hook up. so their dates consist of meeting up and going to hook up. i hate it too, you feel all special, like 'wow i am that awesome that this typical playa wants to settle down with me?"

then the next time you see him you meet up at the bar. this real fancy date will never happen. ha ha

Lora said...

ooooh man I've heard this a lot. The definition of a "real date" changes depending on the type of dude, whether it be the more casual dinner & a movie or "I swear to God I'm taking you to Le Bec Fin followed by a helicopter ride over the city because you deserve a real date." That's actually been offered to me and of course it never happened. It's all just talk. I'd rather he just save his breath.

Steve said...

I guess I must be one in a million. That real date thing is what passes for a real date in my relationship. I agree with Al, sample size must be wacked or I must be an anomaly. Maybe it's because my lady is super awesome.

Unknown said...

Steve is such a kiss ass

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