June 25, 2010

Bonerkiller: Hairy Butt Patches

I'm gonna be honest here: I'm not a fan of a butt patch on a dude. I think it's gross. It's looks like Tom Selleck's chest slid down his spine and parked right over his crack. Ewwwww!

A few wisps of peach fuzz over there, sure I'll let it slide. But if you can braid his lower back hairs into a friendship bracelet, then I'm out.

It's like the Mona Lisa, I feel it's watching me wherever I go. I try to fake it out; I move quickly from one side of the room the next. No dice. It's still watching, peeking out from over his jeans like a hairy tramp stamp. To quote Hall and Oats, "I can't go for that/ no can do."



13 comments:

citygal said...

I once referred to a guy I was dating's "patch." He was so embarrassed, yet failed to shave it off. It was winter, so perhaps it kept him warm?!

roboconcept said...

also known as a 'sad trail'.

melanie said...

This aggression will not stand, man! I like the hairy patch. Though obviously you shouldn't be able to see it when it's not naked time, I think it's cute.

Amanda said...

Gotta say I don't really mind it.

Anna said...

Girls who are saying that you like a hairy butt patch, do you play with it? Twist the hair around like Goldilocks' curls? Run your fingers through it like a stallion's mane?

Oh god, I just made myself hurl typing that.

Andrew said...

I just had to go look in the mirror to make sure I don't have a hairy butt patch. Whew. But it is the kinda thing that could sneak up on you, and not in an 'it's always behind you' kinda way.

dan said...

is it really a "butt patch" though? more of a back patch, if anything, no?

before the pic even loaded I saw only the title Hairy Butt Patches and I was like ooooh lord what am I about to read...

MT said...

Ew, I didn't even know this was a thing! Oh dear jeebus, that is nasty. I used to rue the fact that I tend to date guys with patchy-at-best body hair, but now I am glad. I will take shady neckbeard over asscrack hair any day.

Anonymous said...

I adore my guy's seemingly random, yet mysteriously bilaterally symmetrical, patches of body hair. Small patches just below each shoulder. Pea-sized patches mirroring either side of his belly button. A pair of hairy nips. A sweet, hairy buttocks... I affectionately call him Fuzzy Butt.

My ex was naturally hair-free. His legs were a sparse forest. It was somewhat disturbing knowing that I, the female, had more body hair than my SO.

So I happily welcome my hairy, manly man with open arms.

meg944 said...

I actually think it's cute! I have never dated super hairy guys, so maybe I never got the full-on hairy butt patch, but a little fuzz at the base of the spine is both manly and adorable. I don't twist my fingers in it, but I have been known to kinda' pet it while may hand is lingering there.

Anonymous said...

I would not be surprised if a lot of your other bonerkillers come as a result of you not dating a REAL man...aka a dude with ridiculous amounts of body hair. Just sayin.

Anonymous said...

butt patches require far too much maintenance, hence, we don't do shit about them. if it's a dealbreaker, perhaps something else about said dude is the true bonerkiller?

Anonymous said...

I once worked with a Latina in California who was fascinated by men shaving their body, yet she was afraid to remove any of her body hair... yes, when she bent over, her back and ass cheeks were way more hairier than mine.

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