June 13, 2010

Bonerkiller: Guys Who Think That "Hipsters" Are A Terrible Thing To Be Shunned

Me: "What do you wanna do tonight?"

Him, shrugging: "I don't know."

Me: "Why don't we go to the Lost Bar for a beer or two? That could be fun."

Him: "Nah. That's a hipster bar."

Me, thinking: "Um, alright. Maybe we could go to Johnny Brenda's?"

Him: "Ugh! That place is even worse! It's practically crawling with hipsters."

Me: "So what? It's a bar where beer will be served. Who cares?"

Him: "They just suck, that's all." 

Hearing him rant about hipsters is like hearing your dad talk about Hannah Montana: he's speaking about something that he has no business caring about. Who cares what hipsters do? It's like caring about someone's interests on Friendster or that Project Runway moved to the Lifetime network or who your fourth employer listed on LinkedIn is: NO ONE CARES! No one should give a shit about hipsters ever. End of story. 

It's like in his mind, anything fun and vaguely enjoyed by young people is somehow equated to a devil's den where people sip PBRs and slouch and possibly have a Tumblr blog. BFD.

Fuck, this guy is getting on my nerves. The only places he ever wants to go are to Phillies games, his neighbor's house to watch Phillies games, or his own living room to watch Phillies games. Just hearing the word "hipster" from his mouth makes me want to roll my eyes so hard that they'll pop out of my head, spin down the floor, and come to a gentle rest by the edge of the carpet. THUMBS WAY THE FUCK DOWN!

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe he's a hipstophobe? An in the closet hipster? One day he'll be photographed at the airport with Jemaine Clement and be all like "no no, I just needed someone to carry my very manly Phillies covered luggage, ehhh" Or he'll be busted trying to trade bootleg Death Cab For Cutie records in the bathroom of some other airport.

Man, what is it with hipstophobes and airports?

Bonnie said...

I love you, Anna. I want to be you when I grow up!

MT said...

Nah, no one who is actively interested in any kind of sporting event is a hipster. Unless it's kickball, but I think that hasn't been hip since 2008. Now it's bocce ball or shuffleboard or something else they can play ironically with minimal exertion.

Seems like he's just a Boring dude. With a capital B!

Anonymous said...

Hipster are getting pretty annoying. Maybe they'll get their own disease like the gays did.

Anonymous said...

The worst is the the dude is a hipster but is just denying it.

Anna said...

Yes, TOTALLY!

Anonymous said...

re: shuffleboard

Julie's Corner Bar (Richmond St./ Chesterfield) in Port Richmond has a pretty decent shuffleboard setup and pints of Rolling Rock & Yuengling Lager are *always* $1.50 & $2 respectively.

Elizabeth said...

I thought hipsters were playing croquet now?

Timothy said...

2005: http://catandgirl.com/?p=919

MT said...

Cat and Girl rocks! You win.
Surprisingly not a bonerkiller: dudes who read webcomics.

Colin said...

Goes both ways here, Im not a fan of constantly going out to bars with hipsters..

The televisions are small or non existent, they normally smell pretty terrible, and there are way too many dudes in cutoffs wearing plaid.

Anna said...

A. Who cares about the televisions in a bar?

B. Why on earth do you care what other dudes are wearing?

You're just as bad as the guy I talked about in this post!

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