I recently received a Facebook message from a long lost guy friend. It was a sweet, thoughtful note that said, "I haven't seen you in a while. I'm missing that cute smile of yours!" I was excited to hear from him; I blushed at my computer screen.
Naturally, I clicked on his profile to see what he'd been up to lately. At the very top of his Facebook wall, his most recent status update announced: "Dude is now single." Hmmph. So he doesn't bother talking to me for years and then the moment he's single he starts sending me flirty messages!? Wait, I'm confused.
Was he a gentleman for waiting until he was single to reach out to me, or is he frantically writing all his random female friends in an effort to test the waters? How many other girls did he message before me? Facebook lists people alphabetically by first name, and since "L" is in the middle of the alphabet, I'm sure he's emailed at least a dozen girls before he got to my name.
I scrolled down the names: Amy, Beth, Carolyn, Danielle, Elise, Felicia...fuck you, man! Is your sweet note some kind of online booty bait? I hate the ambiguity of Facebook and I hate your (formerly) cute message. Delete!
Pro tip: If you're gonna announce your relationship status to the FB world and then start messaging potential dates immediately afterwards, please at least toss a YouTube video up on your feed so SINGLE is not the first thing we see! I'd settle for a picture of your lunch or a link to a CNN story or a boring update about your cat. Otherwise, not gonna lie, it just looks desperate. Get it together, man!