July 11, 2010

Sneaky Bonerkiller: Guys That Worship Elvis Costello

You know John Cusack's character in High Fidelity? He was an Elvis Costello fan. Hank Moody? Him too. I have no idea why listening "This Year's Model" can turn a man into a dating nightmare--I'm still lobbying for the medical community to do further research--but it does.

On the surface, I would think that guys who love Elvis Costello would be a perfect match made for me: they're usually smart, snarky, and wickedly funny. They relate to EC's witty, acerbic lyrics. That's cool. I get it.

However, after you spend some solo time with him, his trashbaginess is revealed. One your first (and only) date, he will possibly:
  • Lean and tell you that he thinks that the waitress is cute  
  • Go on and on about his ex-girlfriend and what a whore she was
  • Hit on your best friend when you leave the room to powder your nose
  • Explain that he usually only dates 23-year-old half-Asian yoga instructors (uh, okay)
He's like Glenn Gulia but skinnier and with hotter hair. Ladies, don't be fooled by his glasses, rad shoes, and impeccable music taste! After hearing "Pump It Up" a dozen times, he turns into a total freak-a-leek. He'll think that he's the most interesting guy on the planet, but he's just an insufferable douche. To paraphrase Milli Vanilli, "Girl you know it's true."


MT said...

So. True.
I have no problem with Elvis Costello, per se, but his adoring minions are more often than not so self-absorbed they'd make a reality TV star blush.
But I think this may be correlation rather than causation. Because there ARE dudes out there with discerning, esoteric tastes in music who are still humble and nice. They just don't seem to leave their house very often because they're too busy posting on SomethingAwful or retuning their guitar so they can learn Nick Drakes' entire catalog.

Anonymous said...

WORD. I think you must have gone out with the exact person I'm thinking of. It kind of made it hard for me to maintain my own lifelong love of E.C. afterward. He did all of these things, and was terrible in the sack.

Unknown said...

..Ditto for Lou Reed, Tom Waits, or Bob Dylan..
Sorry to their fans, but I am instantly wary of people who identify heavily with artists that maintain a very carefully cultivated, studied persona..

Anna said...


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