July 27, 2010

Things In His House That Make Me Sad: His Kitchen Sponge

He always seems to have money for the little things in life. He doesn't blink at dropping $25 for a nice wine. He'll be the first one to pick up the next round when he's out with his friends. And, he'll spring for a cab ride home if he doesn't feel like walking. However, when it comes to his kitchen sponge, he never seems to pay more than 11 cents for the one thing responsible at making his kitchen semi-clean.

It's little and yellow, about the size of a s'more. But, I want s'less of this sponge because it is terrible at the one thing it should do: clean. It's a lightweight yellow foam square that's not absorbent; it just pushes soapy water around like a bitchy hall monitor. I think it's made out of the same material used in red clown noses which is fitting because I feel like a clown using it.

There was a thin strip of green abrasive material on the top to scrub pots and pans, but half of it has dissolved. All that's left of the (formerly) gritty side is a raggedy strip of gnarled plastic half falling off, like a bad toupee. It doesn't clean anything, much less greasy pots and pans. 

I used it once to scrub a lasagna pan and it was so ineffective I wanted to strangle it. When I asked it to get tough, grow a sac and tell that burnt cheese to fuck off, it looked at me, shrugged, and said it wasn't his problem. What kind of reaction is that? I expect my sponge to kick ass in a four-wheeled truck waving an American Flag and blasting early Metallica, not sitting around and debating Sigur Ros' back catalog whilst sipping herbal tea. This is bullshit!

When I looked under his sink for a different sponge to use--maybe something ergonomic, something with some grease-fighting heft--I saw a plastic bag containing about 15 more of the same square yellow foam jobs. It's terrible sponges for as far as the eye can see. And, that just makes me sad.

10 comments:

citygal said...

This is assuming he has a kitchen sponge...

Anonymous said...

hehehe sucker. Thats what you get for doing our dishes...

Ichael said...

He bought you nice wine, pick him up a nice sponge next time you're out! You'll prove you're thoughtful and flexible, and if he likes it he'll never go back to the cheap-o sponges again.

Anonymous said...

seriously....this is one of the dumbest things i have ever seen....its no wonder why so many girls are single with a thought process like this...

typical guy said...

The thought-process doesn't bother me and neither does the over-analysis but the fact she keeps quiet even though it irks her. Speak up women! We aren't mind readers and don't know if you prefer ribbed or ultra-thins!

roboconcept said...

Strictly Cast-Iron. the most attention they ever get is a steel wool rinse and dry.

dani said...

dont these guys realize this is the kind of stuff we talk about with our girlfriends? really small weird non-essential blips that only other females appreciate? dont read them if you dont want to know, but just know we're still talking about it :)

Anna said...

Of course, I spoke up! I was like, "Ew! I hate your sponge." Then he shrugged and we did something else.

Most of the Things in his House That Make Me Sad posts are about one ex-boyfriend's house and he knows that all of these things got on my nerves when we dated. He gets a kick out of it being on the site. He's cool like that.

Anonymous said...

My boyfriend actually buys better sponges than I do. The problem is this...they ALWAYS smell like 3 month old gym socks. It's horrific. The smell actually transfers to your hand and won't leave!

He gets mad because I always throw the damn things away and I get mad because he keeps trying to kill me with his bacteria infested sponges.

EzraBlum said...

This post really had me laughing out loud. Good job.

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