Not to split dating hairs here, but I was never his ex and it irritates me to watch him rewrite my dating history so flagrantly. Germany didn't win World War II, Russia didn't land on the moon first, and I never thought of him as my boyfriend. You can't fuck with historical facts! What's next, is he going to tell me dinosaurs never existed? Or, that Gigli was a good movie? It's madness!
I want to leave this letter under the windshield wiper of his car:
Dear Sir,I'm not sure why he's so interested in being my ex anyway. There aren't any perks being in that club. It's not like he gets coupons to local establishments or a free sub at Subway. Really, it's no big whoop.
(Kim) Deal with it: I'm not your ex!
I'm sorry to break it to you, but you are not my ex. Do you know what the word "ex" means? It's shorthand for either EX-BOYFRIEND or EX-GIRLFRIEND. You were never my boyfriend and I certainly was never your girlfriend! We barely dated. We saw each other for roughly three weeks; that doesn't magically make me your ex-girlfriend. You know why?
A: We went on less than five dates.
B: I never met any of your friends during those dates.
C: I never met any of your family members.
D: I never changed an online relationship status to reflect our courtship.
E: I never called you my boyfriend. We were two adults going out, sharing meals, and smooching. THAT'S IT!
Therefore, please stop telling everyone that I'm your ex because it's not true. Just say that I'm your friend. If you HAVE to communicate to someone that we went out in public together on almost five occasions, just say that we were seeing each other. Cool?