August 12, 2010

Things In His House That Make Me Sad: Teeny Tiny Bathrooms

I have no idea how a grown human can use this teensy weensy bathroom. Everything in here is tiny. The sink is the size of a child's shoe and the mirror over the sink is the size of a Pop-Tart.

If we were in the roaring '20s, fun-loving collegiates would see how many people they could squish in here for fun. Clark Kent would use this bathroom to change into Superman.

But for me to pop in and do a #1, it's a nightmare. I'm basically peeing in a dollhouse. One knee is hitting the sink and the other knee is slammed against the edge of the bathtub. One elbow is smashing into the wall and the other elbow is tangled in a shower curtain. As Tobias Funke would say, it's ass to ankles back here!

Clearly, the name "bathroom" is a misnomer because there is no way that this should be classified as a full room; it's more of a closet. A bathcloset. It's so tight in here that just walking the one foot from the toilet to the sink feels like I'm in a Tokyo subway car during rush hour.

And, I have to go into the hallway to brush my teeth because there is no place for my arms to operate in this cubic foot of terribleness. I'm inadvertently doing the Hokey Pokey dance just trying to get my pearly whites white. And, that just makes me sad.


Kosgrove said...

Well yeah, that's because you're nine and a half feet tall.

Think about what we dudes have to go through, managing how exactly to manage our junk with these tiny seats.

Betty Rockit said...

hahaha this is hilarious. And so true. Also a fave is when guys don't have tiny wastebaskets in the bathroom.

Anonymous said...

who's tobias funke?

Anna said...

Tobias! David Cross' character in Arrested Development. Google it.

Anonymous said...

That's why you shit in the bathtub. It establishes dominance and a devil may care attitude. Only then will he kill for you.

Ezra Blum said...

The Funke reference had me in stitches. LOVE a girl who can effectively quote some pop cultural references at seriously opportune times.

maiah said...

Found your blog linked on Tiny Ass Apartment and HAHAHA oh my goodness, this is amazing!

looking forward to reading more :)

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