November 22, 2010

Fuck You. That's The Best Winter Coat I've Ever Seen On A Guy

Fuck him in his fucking face because I have never seen a guy look so fucking handsome all bundled up in a winter coat before. He's hustling down the sidewalk like a warm pimp and I'm like, WHAT THE FUCK, HOMIE? Is he Captain Winter? Because this is an outfit Captain Winter would totally wear.

The brass buttons and upturned wool collar are making winter seem like a good idea and I HATE winter so I hate him for making it look good. Did he pluck the coat from Inspector Javert's wardrobe? Fuck, he's the one that should be arrested for looking so goddam bangabale in a black winter coat. I wanna have his baby (after I bite him in the taint).

Plus, his scarf is a fucking perfect red plaid which makes me want to roundhouse kick him in the testes satchel. It doesn't help matters that his black Beatle boots came to the party and are the perfect ending to his winter coat sundae. I wanna pop that winter coat off him and give him a once-over with my tongue. Fuuuuuuck!


Melissa Koenig said...

This is hilarious. I laughed out loud, at work, when I got to, "(after I bite him in the taint)."

Jenna Davis said...

Your full-on boner will drop to chub status when he starts to loose his balance and looks like an air dancer at a used car lot. Beatle boots and cowboy boots are like walking on bologna skins in the snow. There's nothing worse than a dandy down due to a weather advisory. You need to find a gif of this.

Anna said...

Jenna, you are a RIOT! Bwahaha.

sarah said...

In winter you have to be able to delay the pleasure as you first have to "unwrap" the gift before actually consuming...

al said...

As a dude, I love winter for the purposes of getting to wear awesome shit. Hot weather is not good for dudewear in general. Also, apparently there is a higher probability of taintbiting in the colder months, so there's a plus.

Winter +2

Anonymous said...


I'm going shopping for said coat, scarf, and boots.

Also, a pair of glasses. Hope to run into you wearing said specials.

Happy Thanksgiving to you.

Allan Smithee

Anna said...

For this holiday, I am thankful that this will be your winter outfit.

Much love,

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