December 2, 2010

Amatuer Hour: I Snooped On An Ex's Profile And Now I'm In A Crummy Mood

Call the wahmbulance 'cause I'm bummed out. After rifling through his online presence for roughly five minutes, I want to not only stab my computer but toss myself on my bed and have a good cry like a dramatic pre-teen who's parents won't let her stay out 'til midnight even though all of her friends can. This happens every few months when my curiosity takes over (and we all know that curiosity killed the cat.)

Am I overreacting? Yes.
Is this the end of the world? No.
Do I feel like shit about seeing him happy without me in his life? Yes.
Am I being a big baby? Yes.
Is my lower lip wobbling? Yes.
WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? I'm not sure.
Am I gonna be okay in the near future? That's up to you.

If you have any suggestions about what would cheer me up, kindly leave 'em in the comments. Thanks, duders. I owe you one!

25 comments:

Anna said...

For a start, looking at Dawson Leary cry is making me feel a tiny bit better. Yay, I guess!

Anonymous said...

i've been there... rough. In my situation I found that deleting/blocking the profile is the only way to stop that creepin' urge.

block that fun-having bitch

Anna said...

I should listen to Snoop Dogg because I'm a snooper.

Anonymous said...

Go find some chocolate. It makes everything better. It is more powerful when combined with trash tv.

Samantha said...

A: E-hug, I feel you gurl. Said with the most gangsta emphasis possible.
B: Joel McHale. Not only crazy hot, also hilarious. He'll make you smile.
C: What was it you secretly hated about him? How he always had to be right? The way he ate corn? His determination to never pick a manly sport to love? She's dealing with that now. And she is slowly going to hate him.

Oh and I still appreciate the Jersey Shore-esque "That's who he's dating?" (paraphrase) entry.

Jessie said...

LOVE crying Dawson. As for something to cheer you up...when I'm down, I put on some good music (usually something by Billy Idol or Jamiroquai's "Canned Heat") and dance as crazy as possible!

Kehilla Monster said...

Block him, delete his number, throw away all pictures and other artifacts

Read part of a book

After reading you will probably know at least one more thing than he does. That always makes me feel better. But, then again, I am in grad school so I have a totally warped sense of "fun" and what makes me "feel good".

Rarian Rakista said...

Costco bag of Beef Jerky used as chips in a sour cream dip.

kate said...

snoop on your own profile and think about how good lookin' you are and how kickass your life is

shoegal101 said...

Blocking his ass won't work because you can easily unblock after several glasses of wine when you're lonley and it's a Tuesday night. I did the post-it intervention, which was like my A.A. for exes. Every day I didn't look at his immature profile, I wrote the number of days "clean" on a post it and made a running tally by my computer. I made it 2 fucking months until I was finally into someone else...who eventually dicked me over. Then I started stalking my ex again. Seriously, there is no cure.

Anonymous said...

There will come a time - a lot sooner than you think - when he might call or text, and you will look at his name on your phone and say "Meh" and not pick up or respond.

You'll reach a point (faster than you think!) when his name or the idea of him elicits NO REACTION whatsoever. Trust.

Seriously, visualize yourself there.

Anyway, you're hot and amazing - just found your blog recently and read the whole thing. Don't feel rejected!! HIS LOSS!!!

Anna said...

I just had a strong beer with my favorite buddies and I'm already feeling better. Reading your comments helped a lot too. THANKS, GUYS!

Patrick said...

I agree with the cut him out suggestion, but it still hurts.

So just go eat a red velvet cupcake. It'll hurt just a bit less.

redsiren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
redsiren said...

When you start getting the whimps for the asshole,think of all the fucked up shit he did to you. You're better off already, you got your peeps here for you. Besides, I can always whip up some voodoo shit so his dick won't stand for attention with his latest trick.

Julie said...

Everybody's life looks perfect online. I don't post pictures of me wearing pizza-stained sweatpants watching the Real Housewives on a Friday night clipping my toenails on FB. He's not really happy or handsome. He's still miserable and makes smelly farts he just doesn't want the world to know it.

teenie said...

totes agree with Julie - that's his "lookit me! my life is awesome!" mask you're seeing, not the real deal. the real deal is infinitely more, well, real.

and I've successfully not looked at my ex's profile for about 3 months now. it's blocked so i can't see him, or his new wife, at all. i haven't unblocked it - i've stayed strong. i'm sure you can do it to. it's so worth it.

(the worst part is that there isn't an ounce of me that wants him back AT ALL, it's more that i want to see him being miserable because he's such a jerkus maximus)

Anna said...

You guys are cracking me up with your suggestions but I have to say, there isn't anything terrible he did at all. It's not a seethe situation. If he had been a jerk, it'd be waaaay easier. But I genuinely enjoyed every single second we spent together and it saddens me that for whatever reason, he didn't stick around. When I see his picture, it just reminds me of what I've lost and how powerless I am to fix it.

SO SAD, RIGHT?

Anna said...

I had an International Coffee moment yesterday but I'm fine now. It was a momentary lapse into wistfultown. I have more important things to do like plan our holiday party. THERE WILL BE MISTLETOE! I'll announce the details soon. See? I'm feeling better already!

Anonymous said...

Ugh I know it sucks. We've all been there. Just think about all of the smart, beautiful friends you have, whom some LOSER has broken up with. For no good reason. Now transfer yourself. Your ex is are THAT loser. Men are so easily scared, there is no way to rationally explain "why" he left because it's like trying to put words to why an infant did something. Or a slow 4th grade male, at best.

Anna said...

WORD!

myli said...

Girl, realistically, I would just pack a bowl, spark it up, smoke a cigarette or two and fall asleep. Or I'd hit the gym immediately and just get him off my mind.

Anna said...

Ha! I just got back from the gym. It did help, I gotta say.

Anonymous said...

I ran into my ex at the Dominicks in the Ukrainian Village (of course) and we had an awkward chat, but he still looked super adorable even in a snow hat (damn it). I had been thinking about him though and so of course I Googled him when I got home, wondering what else he had been up to lately. He's a producer, so naturally I stumbled upon his YouTube channel. Know what else I found? I video he posted 3 days earlier wishing his girlfriend a HAPPY VALENTINES DAY - it was a montage of happy pictures of them and him telling her she's "his soul mate" and other garbage. !!! NOT WHAT I WANTED TO FIND!!! Lesson learned- don't go looking for what you don't want to see... sux.

Anna said...

That's such a bummer! Oh man. I feel for ya.

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