December 10, 2010

Real Talk: His Ex Is Awesome

From Jessica, who hates to admit it, but his ex seems pretty rad.
I love some harmless ex-girlfriend bashing. Sorry, but it can make me feel better sometimes. It's easy when there's clear cut reason that they broke up, i.e. his ex was a total bitch or just a straight-up loser. But sometimes it's a little jarring when his ex-gf is cool. And no matter how hard you try, you can't find anything wrong with her. And it sucks!

I admit it's shallow but I like to think that my boy is taking a step up in the dating pool by dating me. Sure, I can tell myself he's with me now because he likes me more. I'm funny, smart, and pretty damn cute! I win! Right? Sometimes it doesn't really feel that way.

I'm not a particularly jealous person, but damn, his ex-gf is freaking awesome. She's a scuba diving instructor. She saved orphans in Uganda. She ran two dozen marathons in one month. She's trained wild horses. She models on the side but donates all her earnings to animal shelters. She was on the production staff for Tron. Me? Well let's see....I drank too much at an office happy hour last week and puked in my cubicle.

My one consolation is that she's a demon who cheated on him, right? Wrong. "They just weren't meant to be" and had an amicable split. Well at least we can hate her for her "holier than thou" attitude, right? Wrong. She's actually super sweet. And funny. What the fuck. I'm begging her to do something bitchy. Kick a kitten or something so I can have a reason to hate her already.

I have to keep my insecurities in check and take it as a compliment that he's dating me after her. Obviously there must be something awesome and special about me that he sees. But I really wish she would trip a grandmom or shove a poor kid down a slide a la A Christmas Story. It would just make me feel better!
This sort of happened to me a while ago, but it was with my ex's new girl. I was still upset about our breakup and it was doubly upsetting to see him find love so quickly. I had a few friends in common with the new girl and all I'd hear about was how amazing she was and how much we'd get along if only we met. I was like, "FUCK THAT! I never want to meet her." I avoided them at all costs. If I heard that they'd be at a party, I wouldn't go. If I heard that they were going to see a band play, I'd refuse to attend the show. It was horrible.

I'd been avoiding them for about a year when my friend invited me to go to a dinner party with him. After he picked me up, I asked who else was gonna be there and he said her name followed quickly with, "It's not a big deal. Honestly, it'll be fine." I tried to keep my panic in check. As soon as we walked into the party, she gave me a warm hug. She gushed about how excited she was for us to finally meet. Guys, I cannot tell you how much that meant to me. She was clearly the bigger person here and I'll never forget how welcome she made me feel. All of my anxiety about her instantly evaporated. It's funny; I don't talk to the guy anymore, but I'm still friends with her! Some girls are just unhateable. That's science.


Anonymous said...

Since I broke up with this guy a few years ago I've ended up (not intentionally) meeting and befriending two girls he had since dated + the girl he was trying hard to get with with right before we broke up and they are all way more awesome than he was, ever. Still friends with the girls.

Anonymous said...

Which is worse? When his ex is clearly an all-around better person than you, or when your ex's next girlfriend after you can basically win the Olympics of Humanity? I am ambivalent, but I say the latter.
My boyfriend's ex is one of those rare specimens who is like an urban legend - she's a trilingual, Ivy Leaguer artist who makes album covers for awesome indie bands, lives in a loft apartment, has her own design studio and has modeled and done charity work. I'm an unemployed college dropout who lives with her parents and drinks wine from a box. Hooray for the underdog!

teenie said...

haha, i have it easy. my boyfriend's ex is a self-absorbed asshole. not that i'm a complete winner - a divorcee who STILL doesn't have her college degree - but at least i don't wet the bed. yes, i said wet the bed.

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