April 12, 2011
However, I fucking hate that little wiry, manicured tuft of hair parked under his lip and above his chin. How much do I hate it? Well, I wanna draft legislation outlawing it from being grown on American soil. I wanna build a tiny lawnmower that will shave it off. And, I want to go back to school, get my PhD in chemistry, and invent a serum that will make growing hair on the area under his lip genetically impossible. It's like his face has graffiti on it.
When I half-joked, "How long have you had your soul patch?", he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about.
"Oh, you mean my flavor saver? Gee. I don't know. Four years, I guess?" Ewwww, dude! Him saying that made it a million times worse!
I'm gonna he honest: his stupid soul patch is ruining my night. I don't want to look at it. I don't want to touch it. Frankly, I don't want it anywhere near me. It's the Gary Busey of facial hair: no one wants to deal with it on an extended basis under any circumstances. Can you blame them?