June 5, 2011

Story Time: What's Your Worst Date In Six Words?

Just two more words, Elaine!
I originally asked you guys to tell me about your worst date in six words over a year ago and I was tickled with your answers. My personal faves:
Suggested Hard Rock Cafe for drinks.
Made me sit in the backseat.
Yin yang necklace. Serious about it.
After hookup, accused of check fraud
The guy peed in my hamper.
Flashed gun. Then pitched me Amway.
Tried to eat Buffalo wings seductively.
Puked on my carpet. Denied it.
Insisted on tarot card reading first.
Used N'Sync to "pump himself up"
Covered ex-wife's name tattoo with unicorn.
Showed up in inside out sweatpants.
Really, they're all gold. I still peruse the comments of that post whenever I need a good pick-me-up. Given that, I thought it was a good time to check in and see what your recent worst dates have been in six words. Can you top any of these? Tell me in the comments! 

108 comments:

Brad said...

She farted so loud I gasped.

She said she'd bang my brother.

Stole my DVDs then denied it.

jen da purse ho said...

mr. coffee breath licked my teeth.

Lauren said...

First kiss felt like tonguing anus.
He called me "princess gone bad".
He was actually 15 years older.
I weighed like two of him.
He was wearing several beaded bracelets.
He ended up having a limp.
He looked exactly like my brother.

Sally said...

He puked on my fucking shoes.

Anonymous said...

he invited two of his friends.

Anonymous said...

Kept calling me, "that new girl"

D F said...

Roofie my drink? Oops...limp dick.

Anonymous said...

Said he'd actually seen a demon.
Dry humped my leg for hours.
Back hair curled over his collar.
Fought with ex on Facebook. Cried.
Told me "chicks dig" his eyeliner.
Six hours late. Wore heinous jeans.
Showed me his sketchbook suicide notes.

Anna said...

He stopped by my house unannounced.

kelly t. said...

Private room, one-on-one karaoke.

MJK said...

Told me about his dead tooth.

Anonymous said...

Hunted, then squashed, toads with car.

Lucy said...

Called me sweet baby pumpkin face.

Anonymous said...

took me to meet his brother.

Anonymous said...

single red rose, walked around Walmart.

philaphonic said...

firstdate great, crazy by datesix.

I'm cheating to fit it in., so sue me. I guess I'm lucky to be a guy. girls are mostly sane on the first date.
but my real six word horrible first date?

skull tattoos on both ass cheeks....

Anonymous said...

his penis looked like a thumb.

Anonymous said...

attended mormon singles prom. pity date.

Anonymous said...

had a seizure at my cousin's.

Anonymous said...

2 parter:
cunnilingus outside means lots of scratches.
he gave me a plant after.

Anonymous said...

said he loved me at Gap.

Anonymous said...

cheating, another 2 parter:
he said he hated my BFF.
so I ordered a giant steak.

Elly said...

He didn't "come to Philly to sleep alone"
Friend hug on the porch.

Anonymous said...

Said "Condoms don't work on me"

Anonymous said...

Homeless and jobless, spent the night

"sweet baby pumpkin face" said...

Bipolar drug addict. I married her.

Anonymous said...

absolutely NOTHING wrong with "Insisted on tarot card reading first." sounds romantic to me!

Ashley said...

his tongue was like a dart.....

Anonymous said...

He slid in socks age 27.

Anonymous said...

His piercing loose in my mouth.

Anonymous said...

he puked all over himself.

Anonymous said...

Life ambition: Work at American Apparel.

Anonymous said...

Showed me eczema before sushi came
Always takes off shoes in restaurants
Made fun of boobs during sex
Drove 5mph lived with his bubby

Anonymous said...

I slept on bed; him, floor
Suggested marriage on date numero two

Anonymous said...

Didn't pick restaurant, suggested walk around.

Anonymous said...

Got high and went to Applebee's.

Anonymous said...

Bud Light. Camels. Bowling alley bar.

Maggie said...

Date two: Went to strip club.

Anonymous said...

Went fine until car got towed.

Anonymous said...

"Showed me eczema before sushi came" is amazing and hilarious.

Mine is, Always drove with the windows down.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't get it in. Then cried.

Ashley said...

"Couldn't get it in. Then cried."

OMG!

Mkjonese said...

Lived behind a rock climbing wall.
Black teeth; life-threatening infection.
Groped in car; asked "What's wrong?"
Kept stalking me on facebook after.

Anonymous said...

Talked excessively about sister's sex life.

Chest hair like a shag rug.

Anonymous said...

His favorite movie? American Pie 3

Anonymous said...

"Bud Light. Camels. Bowling alley bar" could be kinda fun, especially when I used to smoke.

Mishlak said...

He was hit by a car.

Anonymous said...

Bit my cheek. Drew blood. Unapologetic.

Sarah said...

Late. Drunk. Seersucker Suit. Racist. Persistent.

Mox said...

omfg i love this. omg.
made my day! let me scan ye old brain memory banks. ive got to have a bit or two from the younger days.

Anonymous said...

His drunk mom was there. Crying.

Shawn Kilroy said...

Needed Police to make her leave.

Anonymous said...

These are all one person:

Soul patch, wore puka shell necklace.
Ringtone was "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven.
Doused himself in stinky pungent cologne.
Obsessed with ex, still used Myspace.

Anonymous said...

We talked on the phone before the date, and I mentioned that I sometimes sing with a band. He asked if I sing high notes, I said yeah, sure. He replies:

"I can sing higher than you."

What?

Anna said...

I'm seriously DYING reading all of these!

Anonymous said...

filthy KITCHEN litterbox, moldiest bathroom EVER.

Anonymous said...

Told gruesome breakup story. TMI, bro.

Anonymous said...

Didn't turn up, didn't cancel either.

Anonymous said...

initiated ass play without prior consent.

jen da purse ho said...

one pump chump. asshole after that.

Julia said...

All the same person:

Looked just like Neuman from Seinfeld.

Read abridged constitution in Denny's. Loudly.

Detailed account of his Oedipus complex.

Brought a backpack to dinner. Hobo?

AFF hookup gallery in iPhone. Shared.

Fapped on Skpe right after date.

Cysts on his balls. Showed pictures.

Or, as someone said earlier:

“Jdate Jdate Jdate Jdate Jdate Jdate”.

raena said...

he masturbated thinking i was asleep.

AlexisS said...

Fresh hairplugs on a scabby scalp.

Anonymous said...

Hey, do you know you made it onto the internet-site of a german newspaper? Here's the link: http://jetzt.sueddeutsche.de/texte/anzeigen/525977/Sexting-fuer-Anfaenger-und-schlimme-Dates

Anna said...

I know! I saw that! I'm so stoked.

Bug Miller said...

what does it mean to "fap?"

Anna said...

DON'T GOOGLE IT! I'll tell you: it means for a man to jerk off.

8=======D said...

Said she gave the best blowjobs in the world. Ok, doesn't sound too bad, eh? Not the kind of girl I'm going to bring home to meet mom (or let pet my dog) but, hey, I'm gonna get some, right? Made out, some heavy petting, then said she's not that kind of girl and I'm going to have to "put some work in." What kinda shit is that?

Anna said...

Not to be a stickler, but that was over 6 words!

Kriz said...

Met exboyfriend, made out with him.

Anonymous said...

God gave him "gift of percussion."

Rachel said...

$4 cab around corner to escape.

Jughead said...

Had Slipknot poster in her bedroom.
She made tea with weed stems.
Told me mid-sex "I never cum."

Anonymous said...

His toilet had never seen chlorox.

Anonymous said...

My Coworker Gave Me A Handy

Wrestlemania XXX said...

I had 4 pretty bad dates recently and I can't choose between them, so here goes:

Hot chick, but really had penis.

Went down on her. Surprise! Penis.

Cute waitress was really a dude.

Going to Thailand to finish sex-change.

jazzyhaircuts said...

Twilight Fan.

fille en ville said...

"I Just Washed My Sheets." Gag.

or my most recent...

"Can You Kiss It?" Double Gag.

Ega said...

He talked explicitly about his diarrhea.

Anonymous said...

Cashed $200 paycheck. Bragged about it.

Anonymous said...

made me watch his stand-up reel

Anonymous said...

admitted to being reality show reject

Caterina said...

Asked me out, hoped for babies.

Anonymous said...

Friends secretly live tweeting the date

~JC~ said...

Grabbed boobs, asked me if okay.

~JC~ said...

I'm straight. He was clearly not.

~JC~ said...

There are so many, I can't count. Here're a few more.

Rationalized living with mother.

Rationalized living with parents.

Insulted my: career, friends, intelligence.

Hated pizza and animals.

Refused splitting bill. Complained about cost.

My friend comped bill, date tipped 15%

Complained to me about exes, dating & women.

alex said...

Dad was a doctor, my gynecologist.

Sarah said...

Showed two hours late. Was drunk.

Used the n-word, then rationalized it.

Called 24 times post date. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

After sex said "hope it's a boy"

Anonymous said...

Juggler. Brought balls to date. At IHOP

Andrea said...

Surprise dinner date to Rainforest Cafe.

kelnundrum said...

asked if i was ever raped.

Anonymous said...

wore jorts. bought by his mother.

Samantha Hansen said...

Burger King. "Forgot Wallet". I paid.

Anonymous said...

from one or two different gentlemen:

new debit card. forgot to activate.
asked me to read poem aloud.
remind him of his mother. freud!
fell down the stairs shithouse drunk.
"I'm hot shit. I play guitar."
his band playing. facebook invite only.
He peed the bed. Fuck this.

Anonymous said...

Nervously giggled about lame sexual innuendos.

Anonymous said...

He sat on toilet to pee

Anonymous said...

Want to get a Shamrock Shake?

Anonymous said...

Asked friendly questions, he only giggled.
He picked at a salad, "stuffed!"
Only talked about his band, 2002.
No job, lives in parents' basement. (6 more: "Too good" for current job prospects!)
Talked at length about his balls.
Asked what phone my mom uses.
First date, shared losing virginity story.
Harped on chip in my nailpolish.

nettiebaby said...

hangout with him and his friends for the first time,Whole night his friends banged on him about paying there debt back..on some serious shitt

And i thought wrong timing for a confrontation! im outttt

Anonymous said...

Was clearly gay, tickled me constantly.

Told me he loved me, cried.

Accused me of "asking for" creepyness.

Called me a demon, ran away.

Broke up with me mid-date (6 more: Still wanted to stay over that night.)

Wanted to put lotion on me.

Wax Pack Geek said...

Apologized after for raping my face.

Nola Mcbroon said...

suggested olive garden on sunday just to get drinks

Anonymous said...

wanted to go raging waters, w/o my kid!

Anonymous said...

titty-fucked me that's it!! no D in my V!!!

Anonymous said...

Peed in my closet, broke a nick-nack then claimed the roof had a leak that's why the floor was wet in my closet!

Leah Blewett said...

Would only drink Bacardi and Sprite.

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