I can't believe it's--stops and checks watch--2011 and guys still bring up their ex-girlfriends to me right off the bat. Men, guys, and boys: please refrain from doing this! It's not fun for me to listen to. In fact, listening him prattle on about his exes is the opposite of fun for me. It's 0% fun, men, guys, and boys. Please stop because I don't give a shit.
I would prefer he talk about seeing Crazytown play once in high school. I would prefer it if he talked about how his cousin is in jail. Hell, I would prefer it if he droned on about filling in his LinkedIn profile. Really, almost anything would be better than hearing him fill the space between my ears with these lame stories.
For a second I thought that I had a "Tell me more about your ex" sign on my back, but after a quick glance over my shoulder, I realized that it wasn't the case; he just doesn't have any manners. I'll try and communicate my discomfort by shifting in my seat, fidgeting, and/or avoiding eye contact. That has never worked so I'm going to have to devise a new plan. Maybe triggering an air horn in his face? Maybe spitting ice cubes at him until he changes the subject? Maybe spelling out "Shut the fuck up" with his french fries? All of these strategies will be considered.
Here's the thing: hearing about his exes hurts my feelings in a weird way. It's rude! It's like he's trying to tell me that I'm not special or something. Yes, I know I'm in a long line of women that will wander in and out of his life, but he doesn't have to bring that to my attention before we even nosh on a freakin' app. Can't he just play it cool and not mention an ex-girlfriend for the first hour and a half of this stupid date? Is that really too much to ask? Sometimes, I think it is.