August 29, 2011

Oh No He Di'int Talk About His Ex-Girlfriend A Ton While We're On Our First Date

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpikyvmaE51qb5kxr.gifI can't believe it's--stops and checks watch--2011 and guys still bring up their ex-girlfriends to me right off the bat. Men, guys, and boys: please refrain from doing this! It's not fun for me to listen to. In fact, listening him prattle on about his exes is the opposite of fun for me. It's 0% fun, men, guys, and boys. Please stop because I don't give a shit. 

I would prefer he talk about seeing Crazytown play once in high school. I would prefer it if he talked about how his cousin is in jail. Hell, I would prefer it if he droned on about filling in his LinkedIn profile. Really, almost anything would be better than hearing him fill the space between my ears with these lame stories.

For a second I thought that I had a "Tell me more about your ex" sign on my back, but after a quick glance over my shoulder, I realized that it wasn't the case; he just doesn't have any manners. I'll try and communicate my discomfort by shifting in my seat, fidgeting, and/or avoiding eye contact. That has never worked so I'm going to have to devise a new plan. Maybe triggering an air horn in his face? Maybe spitting ice cubes at him until he changes the subject? Maybe spelling out "Shut the fuck up" with his french fries? All of these strategies will be considered.

Here's the thing: hearing about his exes hurts my feelings in a weird way. It's rude! It's like he's trying to tell me that I'm not special or something. Yes, I know I'm in a long line of women that will wander in and out of his life, but he doesn't have to bring that to my attention before we even nosh on a freakin' app. Can't he just play it cool and not mention an ex-girlfriend for the first hour and a half of this stupid date? Is that really too much to ask? Sometimes, I think it is.

7 comments:

Becki said...

i vote for the air horn. the mental image of him blabbering on about his ex and then you casually leaning across the table, air horn in hand, and blasting his brains out... awesome

Anna said...

Haha, Becki! I should totally do that.

Kate said...

i think the french fries are quite creative. ketchup mustaches are also fun in times of painful conversations.

Erika said...

I vote for spitting ice cubes. That cracks me up. I mean, who would expect that? "And she also had this weird thing where she cracked her toes at night and..." BAM. Ahahah.

Chris said...

Ask him why he talks about his ex-girlfriend on a first date. You think guys hate air horns? We hate explaining ourselves even more.

Anna said...

Chris, I'll totally try that next time.

samanthaleone said...

Or you could throw french fries at his face while telling him to "shut the fuck up". :)

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