April 24, 2013

I Love Love Love Co-Ed Softball Players

From Leah, who flips her shades at the kind of man who can slide his way into her heart:
It’s the most wonderful time of the year: the trees are blooming, day trips to Atlantic City are imminent, and best of all, co-ed softball is back. These guys are special. Every weekend, like sweaty t-shirted pilgrims, they gather in our parks to play ball, to socialize, and to look absolutely freaking great. They come from all walks of life: lawyers, bartenders, network techs, and the occasional out-of-work actor. Some are in the best shape of their lives; others peaked in Little League.
They keep wildly different hours, hail from all over the city, and may vehemently demand (or stubbornly refuse) a beer for hydration after hauling ass down the line to be the first to beat out a grounder. (Those in the know refer to this kind of wildly diverse man buffet as “something for everyone,” whether your tastes run short and sweet – looking at you, Anna! – or handsome and emotionally unavailable, like mine.)  
 
Co-ed softballers lack the competitive killer instinct of the guys who play in the men-only leagues. And that’s a good thing, especially when they’re rounding third at full speed hoping to score and 5-foot 1-inch me, ball in glove, is the only thing between them and home plate. Men-only ballers will knock me over, and not in a good way. Co-ed guys are more likely to awkwardly slide (giving me the opportunity to help them up!)  
They’re supportive teammates, generous with high-fives, and always willing to believe that I’ll get on base next time, even as I sulk out of the batter’s box on a[nother, called, underhand, slow-pitch] third strike. And let’s be honest: fit or fat, there is just no movement on earth so perfectly designed to make a dude's body as desirable as uncorking a blazing throw to beat the runner at first. Don't believe me? Check out noted Goofy Looking Person Raul Ibanez whipping the ball to make the out and tell me you’re not even a little turned-on.  
Boys of summer, one and all: welcome back to the field. And if you want a cold one after hustling down the line, I'll be standing there with a Solo cup and a smile.

11 comments:

Wax Pack Geek said...

If only all co-ed softball leagues were like this. The one I played and managed in was awful...sexual harassment, people getting ejected, fights...brutal

Anonymous said...

I may have just been persuaded to join a co-ed softball league! :)

Anonymous said...

Absolutely true and quick-witted! This made me laugh and simultaneously nod my head in agreement. Tis the season!

Anonymous said...

Co-ed softball players are indeed the coolest people in the world.

Ryan W. said...

Liking the positive attitude, go get 'em girl! Always nice to meet people first then meet them again at the bar!

Never tried softball but I always did enjoy the social aspects of outdoor sports though mine were a little more silly and tame like kickall :P

http://goo.gl/pKTJf

Ryan W.

Anonymous said...

The only place where you can be totally humiated by striking out and STILL get high-fives from your teammates! Great article!

Adamo said...

I'm still recovering from little league scars but if there's even a chance I can strike out and get laid at the same time maybe it's time to pick up the bat again.

Anonymous said...

The most important element to softball is your pants.

Anonymous said...

i love co ed softball players

Anonymous said...

Ha! Maybe it's time for my 20-year softball hiatus to end!

Anonymous said...

Ummm, this is fabulous. I am not sure if I am sexually frustrated or this blog is written in such a way that simply turned me on. Either way, it has left me wanting to go to bed....and play some ball!

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