|Seriously, who the fuck are you?|
Recently, I entered into the world of online dating and what a scary, odd, ridiculous place it is. These websites match people by their answers to a self-summary and random match questions like, “If you don't do anything at all for an entire day, how does that make you feel?” That’s the type of thing I want to know about a potential mate: how being lazy makes them feel. Those are the important issues.
As ridiculous as some of the questions seem, people have to answer them in order to be given a percentage and become matched up with someone. I have discovered an odd breed in online dating and they are known as the “Blank Profile Guys.” Absolutely nothing, zilch, zip, goose egg on their profiles. Just a picture taken from about 100ft back while they’re wearing a hat and sunglass. If that doesn’t scream Unabomber I don’t know what does. The Blank Profile Guys are rare but I’ve come into contact with four or five of them so far. One even messaged me with a riveting, “Hey, what’s up?”
I wish I could answer him but I have absolutely no idea “what’s up” with these men. Why are they on a dating website if they refuse to partake in the one section that helps them find someone? Why would any woman want to talk to someone if they know absolutely nothing about the person? Even your picture isn’t clear. Maybe they are putting out the message, “Look at me, I’m too cool to fill out profiles.” But the message I receive when looking at blank profiles with fuzzy pictures? “Look at me and you’re going to end up in an episode of ‘Law and Order: SVU.'”
Seriously dudes, bros, men, guys, or whatever name you’re calling each other these days, fill out the self-summary and answer the match questions. It takes about ten minutes and it makes you look a lot less terrifying on the Creep-O-Matic scale. Those of us women who have resorted to online dating appreciate it and maybe we’ll actually answer your messages.