April 23, 2013

Things That Make Me Go "Yikes!": When He Gets Overly Nervous Around My Friends

From SabrinaSee, who needs her dude to take a serious chill pill when he meets her homegirls: 
I love dating funny guys. The fastest way to get my clothes off is to make me chuckle. The guys that entertain not only my sense of humor but capture my undivided attention remind me that I might not want to die alone. And maybe there’s hope I won’t end up like some sort of supporting character in a Jane Austen novel.  
But then something catastrophic happens when I bring my funny dude around my friends. He spirals out of control into the sort of meltdown best associated with people named Lindsay Lohan. This usually comes after I brag about how funny he is to them. Like that time he looked me in the face while undressing and flatly said, “Don’t stare and don’t objectify me.” It’s the initial part of the relationship where you gush to all your female friends and they are like, “That is so cute. Gosh, you are so lucky. WHEN CAN WE MEET HIM.”  
So I picked a happy hour and asked him if he wanted to come with me. "Some people are going," I said, nonchalantly. "It'll be fun." And when he arrived and realized it was my closest gal pals, he began to systematically shut down like I was Neo and he was the Matrix. 
He didn’t blink. He didn’t speak. And I wondered if right before he arrived, he had his personality erased like Joel in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. When he went to the bathroom, which was frequent, my friends all looked at me like maybe this was some sort of elaborate hoax. I had promised them a humorist on par with Louis C.K. and unfortunately, Rain Man showed up in his place. 
Suddenly, out of nowhere, he announced that he had to go. He didn’t kiss me goodbye; he just ran away. And I hated him. Until I saw him again and he acted completely normal like I didn't just watch him do his best impression of the HAL 9000 being unplugged the last time we hung out. It was impossible to even ask him what the hell was going on because he’s back to being cute and attentive. But it’s not preventing me from thinking, “WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A WEIRDO IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS,” while he’s holding my hand and watching “Nashville” with me.
Hilarious. Follow Sabrina on Twitter!


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