September 17, 2008

Reader Submission for First Date Ever: Smooth Moves

Who knew that y'all had so many hysterical first date stories? This next one comes to us from Monica. This senior year Lothario pulled some wacky moves on her with varying degrees of success (i.e. none). Take it away, Monica:
I was fifteen and it was the beginning of my sophomore year in high school. I was a straight-edge nerdy art jock which I'm sure sounds contradictory, but I swear there was a whole crew of us in my class. We made funny drawings, ran track, had root beer keggers and were in the top ten percent of the class; man, I wish i was still that cool! Until then, boys hadn't paid any attention to me.

So, needless to say, I was floored when the captain of the basketball team--a senior and a hot one to boot!--asked me out. I had no idea what drew him to ME, but it didn't matter. We talked on the phone a lot and one time he made me a flower out of tissues and sprayed his cologne on it (gross!) and left it in my locker for me.

On our first date, he picked me up in what is best described as a "ricer." It was a suped up, crappy, bright yellow "sports" car. We went down the shore for the evening. It was a pretty regular night aside from two major details.
  1. To "impress" me, he felt the need to drive 90mph over a bridge so that we would "catch air." I was terrified!
  2. He took me to this secluded spot by the bay, under the stars, where he handed me a coin--it was one of those cheesy pressed pennies you can get at any tourist trap--which said "Good for a Kiss and a Hug. Anytime. Anywhere" and asked to redeem it. Mind you, I had never kissed a boy before. I was extremely embarrassed and had no idea what to do. I waited for him to lean in, which he did, and I awkwardly accepted my first kiss!
On our second date, he brought me to his house to watch a movie. We laid on his WATERBED in his bedroom while his parents were in the next room. He tried to make out with me during the movie, but back then, like now, I didn't believe in missing crucial parts of a flick.

After it ended, we started making out while a baseball game was on TV; my rules didn't and still don't apply to sports events. It was so awkward! I had never kissed someone while laying down. What do you do with your arms?! Why didn't anyone tell me about this?! I kept catching him looking up at the baseball game but was glad for the break which kept his hands from sliding into second base.

I broke up with this ladies man so I could spend my little bit of free time with my cool friends instead. I later found out that the place down the shore was "his spot" he took all the ladies! ewww!!
This smooth senior has got some game. Spraying his cologne on tissues? Old-timey coins? Catching air? A waterbed? It's like this guy learned all of his "moves" from a Corey Feldman/ Corey Haim buddy movie. Thanks, Monica, for sending this in. Aaaaand, now I'm going to go watch License to Drive. Who's with me?

6 comments:

Lisa said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't know what to do with my arms--then again, I still don't really know what to do with them. I feel like one always gets trapped under me........

Lisa said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't know what to do with my arms--then again, I still don't really know what to do with them. I feel like one always gets trapped under me........

Joshua said...

Hey, um, where'd Shannon go? Am I missing something here?

Hi Anna.

Anna said...

Hey Joshua!

Funny answer: Shannon has ridden off into the sunset on the back of a unicorn, sprinkling flower petals and blowing kisses to the puny humans below.

Unfunny answer: Shannon is concentrating on medical school and has chosen to bow out for the time being.

She might still contribute in the future, if her schedule allows and she is up for it. But, for now, I'm Queen Bee of the good ship Shmitten Kitten.

Joshua said...

Sad.

But it's nice to see you found some, I guess, backup writers.

angrygn0me said...

hahahaha awesome.

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