June 2, 2010

Bonerkiller: Spitters

From our reader Diane, who cannot stand spitters. At all.
I don't think there is anything more unattractive then a guy who spits. I mean, what the hell are you thinking?!?! Okay, your name is not Buffalo Bill nor are you with your buddies at the local bar aiming at the ol' spittoon; You're on the street, waiting for the light to change or in line for coffee at the deli.
What is it with guys who get this urge to hawk a loogie? When I start to hear that tell-tale snort, not only does it cause me to start breaking out in goosebumps, but I also feel like hop/running away from you so my feet don't get spattered with your nasty excess mouth goo.

At least excuse yourself and do that in the privacy of a bathroom. But right in front of me?! Not cool. I don't care if you just came from the dentist and have an inordinate amount of saliva being produced, or if you have really bad sinuses. There is nothing more horrendous then hearing/seeing a man spit. Extra demerit points when it's on a date (which has occurred).
I hear ya, and I know I'm gonna be in the minority here, but I have to confess that I think it's kinda cool when a guy spits. In fact, I had a crush on a boy in college and the first thing that we did when he came back to my dorm room was have a spitting contest out of the window to see who could land one on a pigeon below. It made my heart happy to watch him try and summon a loogie from deep within his chest. I loved that guy.

I also adore the line in the Fall Out Boy song "Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner" that goes, "Drink down that gin and kerosene/ And come spit on bridges with me" because that is TOTALLY SOMETHING I'D DO! I think it's romantic in some fucked up youthful way, like carving our initials in a tree or exchanging socks so you can wear something of his. It's probably just me, right?


al said...

*obvious joke*


Drew said...



Mallory P. said...

Such a great song. I've seen those adorable Fall Out Boys sing that song live, from about 5 feet away, ACCOUSTICALLY. *swoon*

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