June 2, 2010

Quick Rant: Loud Snackers Must Die!

From our reader Clarissa who wants to watch loud snackers die a slow, tortured death (I assume, I didn't ask her or anything):
Have you ever encountered a loud midnight snacker? It's the worst. I had one and he woke me up two nights in a row with his frantic cereal eating. I don't understand. I just don't. At 3am I heard the kitchen cabinet clanging shut, spoons banging, cereal pouring into the bowl, and then my refrigerator door slamming shut. It sounds like children are trying to start a pot and pan band in my kitchen!

How can one man make that much noise while preparing a bowl of cereal for consumption? For the love of god, he is right next to the kitchen so couldn't he at east try to buffer the noise by shutting the door to my bedroom?

On the second night, he actually brought the cereal bowl into MY bed. I don't even do that and I'm in my bed 8-10 hours a night! I couldn't believe how this joker was eating food in my bed. Does he think I want to sleep in crumbs and soy milk? Arrrgghhhh!!!!

He has disrupted my beauty sleep with his midnight snacking as well as brought Raisin Bran into my bed at the ass crack of dawn. It's just gross. I have never heard anyone make some much noise while eating a bowl of cereal. There is a reason the Princess in the Princess and the Pea couldn't sleep: It was because food was in her bed.
You poor thing! This has never happened to me. Instead, I get guys who love to pour themselves a drink with my fancy vodka before we go to bed but then they pass out before they finish their night-cap so then I have to toss it out in the morning. It's not loud or disruptive, it's just annoying. BUT, it happens in/near my bed so I thought you could maybe relate? Maybe? Not really? Forget about it.

Anything gettin' your goat? Tell me at hi@shmittenkitten.com. Let's hear it.


jimmy said...

eating in bed in itself is grounds enough for removal from any situation, let alone someone else's bed. my bedroom is reserved for 4 things alone... bicycle storage, clothing storage, sleepy time and fun with women time. of course it sees less of the later 2, but regardless, food consumption is never on the list.

taking food into the bedroom ranks up there with taking food into the bathroom. no-nos

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