April 23, 2013

Things In His House That Make Me Sad: The Lack of Trash Bag In His Bathroom Trash Can

From Julia, who'd really appreciate a little liner-love, bathroom trash can-wise:
The bathroom is a magical place. You spend DAYS of your life in there, whether you’re brushing your teeth or texting on the toilet. I’ve made a lot of life decisions and observations in my bathroom. It’s a place for solitude and an escape from the stressors of day to day life. (Unless you’re taking a pregnancy test. In that case, Godspeed.)   
My bathroom is perfect, complete with toothpaste on the mirror and eight different almost-empty bottles of conditioner. But his bathroom is my dealbreaker. It’s not the fuzzy off-pink toilet seat cover or the fact that he uses a beach towel to dry off. It’s not even the crummy bath mat. No, it’s the trash can without a trash bag. The things that go into a bathroom trash can are the worst items in the world. This is a standard that applies to men and women.  
My face when I notice his lack of trash bag
The idea that he, at some point, is going to have to take the trash can and use his hands to dump out what’s in it sends me screaming. My mind races through potential situations. What if there’s a piece of gum stuck at the bottom with a hair attached to it? Does he pick it out? Is it stuck to something else, maybe a cotton swab or a mysterious tissue? Without a trash bag, we’re opening up a lot of possibilities. 
A stray bathroom hair could make its way to any area of his house, and the thought of encountering one without warning is downright terrifying. “SURPRISE! I know you’re in the living room drinking wine and listening to Paul Simon on vinyl, but here’s a boatload of random hairs!” I just did a body shudder at the thought. 
These are visions that can’t be unseen. Normally, I can look past the dollar store plastic shower curtain, but sorry bro, you gotta bag your trash can the fuck up.
Image from RealityTVGifs


Katie said...

I dated a guy who didn't have a bathroom door- just a shower curtain strung across the doorway. It was the scariest thing I had ever seen. My body shut down that first weekend and just knew that a number two could not happen till I got back to my place. I shudder just thinking of the place.

Beth W said...

Love your blogs, keep them coming!

Kat Scratch said...

i clean houses for a living. worse? MEN WHO DON'T EVEN HAVE A TRASH CAN AT ALL FOR THE BATHROOM. like, what are you even doing, you fucking weirdo?

yeah, i see a lot of fucking gross shit in the trash can. BARF.

Anonymous said...

I have nightmares of the ex's bathroom. I was tempted to clean it but am now glad I never did. Grown ass man can clean his own damn toilet.

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