Attention People Who Like Words, Watching Me Evaluate Things: I Will Be A Judge At Next Week's Literary Death Match

I'm stoked for this!

I'm judging Literary Death Match with Geekadelphia's Eric Smith and Anna N. Dhody, the curator of the Mütter Museum. It's all going down on Tuesday, October 8th at Underground Arts. Here's my giant face on the flyer:

I look like the Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man with a wig on

Not sure what a literary death match is? This is the description from the event page on Facebook. Hopefully that will give you some idea at how mind-bendingly awesome this will be:

Philadelphia, we've been away too long. And for our grand return, we're celebrating Painted Bride Quarterly's 40th birthday. We've building-blocked a loveable lineup of lit and bemusement-minded stallions and stallionesses and heading to the perfect-for-us Underground Arts. Preorder now and commit your Oct. 8th to awesome! 

The night will feature four writers reading their own wonderful tales for seven minutes or less, judged by three all-star judges. Two finalists will be chosen to compete in the Literary Death Match finale, a vaguely-literary game that will steal your affection and make your heart pound. 

JUDGES: 

Literary Merit: Eric Smith, Geekadelphia founder, Quirk Books social media guru & author of The Geek's Guide to Dating 

Performance: Anna N. Dhody, curator of the Mütter Museum 

Intangibles: Anna Goldfarb, blogger, screenwriter and author of Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through 

READERS:  

Paul Lisicky, Lambda Award-nominated memoirist and novelist (The Burning House; Unbuilt Projects)  

Ru Freeman, author of On Sal Mal Lane and the award-nominated Disobedient Girl  

Lee Klein, fiction writer and Eyeshot editor 

* one more to be announced! 

Hosted by LDM creator Adrian Todd Zuniga. Produced by Kathleen Volk Miller.

Yes, my category to judge is "Intangibles" which I would like to think is the "X" factor so I'm basically the Simon Cowell here.

Tix are $7 and you can snap 'em up here and Facebook info is here. See ya there!

0 Comments

Come See Me Tell A Story On Wednesday, June 19th at Shot Tower Coffee!

The topic is "Fool's Gold." Don't wear any clothing with buttons on it because I'm gonna make you laugh so hard that those little fuckers are gonna pop right the fuck off. 

FB info is here.

1 comments

Philly Tech Week + Me + Searching for Love Online = Fun as Hell

Join me as I babble about finding love on the Internet. The event is called "A/S/L: Love and Tech" and it'll be more fun than doing a shot every time you come across a guy wearing a fedora in their OkCupid profile picture. From Philly.com:

On Wednesday, April 24th join co-founder of Geekadelphia Eric Smith, author and Shmitten Kitten blogger Anna Goldfarb, and online dating expert Erika Ettin as they host an evening of witty personal story telling and advice for those interested in the world of Internet dating during Philly Tech Week.

Philly 360° just named the event as one of their five “must-dos” for Philly Tech Week so I'm gonna go high-five myself. Get your free ticket here. It's gonna be great! 

0 Comments

Attention NYC: I'm Reading At Pete's Candy Store Tonight!

My all-time favorite Pete

Here's the description from the Facebook invite:

If you haven't shaken off the winter doldrums yet, come get warm (and literary!) at Pete's Candy Store with authors Anna Goldfarb and Elna Baker. As always, the reading is free to attend! 

Anna Goldfarb is a 6'1", Philadelphia-based author, humorist and screenwriter. She wrote a book about how terrible she is at being an adult called Clearly, I Didn’t Think This Through (Berkley Books). She writes about bonerkillers on her popular blog, www.ShmittenKitten.com, and is a contributing writer for The Huffington Post, The Frisky and Hello Giggles. You can find her on Twitter @ShmittenKitten.

Elna Baker is a writer and performer of humorous stories. Her stories have been featured on radio programs such as This American Life, The Moth, BBC Radio 4 and Studio 360. In October 2009, Penguin Books published her book The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance, which chronicles her experience as a young, single Mormon living in New York City. 

The party starts at 7:30pm. Pete's Candy Store is located on 709 Lorimer Street in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Come over and say hello!

0 Comments

I'll Be At First Person Art's Story Slam on Valentine's Day!

The theme is "The Ex-files" so I'll be reading something about someone that I used to know. It's all going down at 9:30pm at the World Live Cafe on Thursday, February 14th. Get your tickets here.

This is basically what it'll be like, minus a poor man's Sting slathered in facepaint

0 Comments

Attention New York City Homies: I Will Be At WORD in Brooklyn Reading From My New Book TONIGHT!

I'm beyond excited to be reading from my book, "Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through" TONIGHT at WORD bookstore in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

And, to make it extra exciting, my buddy Tobias Carroll from Vol. 1 Brooklyn will be moderating the Q&A session afterwards. I'm also gonna talk about loving shorter guys and how I totally suck at sexting. It's gonna be awesome!

The fun starts at 7pm. Facebook invite is here.

0 Comments

Brooklyn Homies, Tonight I'll Be Reading From My Book At Steamboat!

Tonight I’ll be appearing at Steamboat!, a literary humor night at Greenlight Bookstore in Brooklyn, NY. Here’s the event description:

Celebrate the brief respite from Autumn murder-storms by checking out this month’s fantastic Steamboat Humor Reading lineup. It’s our last show of 2012 before a holiday break and it’s going to be one of those “not to be missed” kind of nights. We’ve got…

EMILY FLAKE, New Yorker cartoonist and creator of the comic “Lulu Eightball.” Making her triumphantly rescheduled appearance after canceling a couple months ago to “have a baby” or something.

ANNA GOLDFARB, author of the new book “Clearly, I Didn’t Think This Through” and founder of ShmittenKitten.com

JOHN HOWELL HARRIS, head writer at ThingX.com, former senior writer at The Onion, editor-in-chief of the humor ‘zine Pendulous Breasts Quarterly.

COLIN NISSAN, humor writer for New Yorker, Paris Review, McSweeneys, Wired.

ADAM WILSON, author of “Flatscreen,” which is probably the funniest novel released this year.

Hosted by BOB POWERS – author “Happy Cruelty Day,” “You Are A Miserable Excuse For A Hero,” staff writer Someecards.com.

at Greenlight Bookstore, 686 Fulton St, Ft Greene, Brooklyn
Thursday November 15th, 2012
Show starts at 7:30. Free. Free wine even!

Facebook info is here. Come!

0 Comments

Mark Yer Calendars: Here Are My Upcoming Author Events!

My book, Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through, is now available in stores. Barnes & Noble called it "hilarious" and Publisher's Weekly chimed in and said that, [I'm] easy to root for." I'll hang back while you look at the book cover for a second.

So now that my book's out, do you know what that means? It means that I'm hittin' the streets. Here are the events I have scheduled. Come!

November 13, 2012

Book reading and signing

Annenberg Hall Atrium @ 6:30 pm

Temple University

2020 North 13th Street

Philadelphia, PA

http://www.facebook.com/events/363100767106024/

November 14, 2012

Book reading and signing

Penn Bookstore @ 6:30 pm

3601 Walnut Street

Philadelphia, PA

http://www.facebook.com/events/350840455004254

November 15, 2012

Book Reading

Steamboat @ 7:30 pm

Greenlight Bookstore

686 Fulton Street

Brooklyn, NY

http://www.facebook.com/events/109138689246539/

November 18, 2012

Book signing

Barnes and Noble, Cherry Hill @ 2 pm

911 Haddonfield Road

Cherry Hill, NJ

http://www.facebook.com/events/488144887874819/

November 19, 2012

Book reading and signing

Real Characters @ 7 pm

McNally Jackson Bookstore

52 Prince Street (between Lafayette & Mulberry)

New York, NY

http://www.facebook.com/events/303934349721134/

December 12, 2012

Book signing

Barnes and Noble, Rittenhouse Square @ 11:30 am

1805 Walnut Street

Philadelphia, PA

http://www.facebook.com/events/171159379690606/

January 15, 2013

Book reading and signing

WORD Bookstore @ 7 pm

126 Franklin Street

Brooklyn, NY

You can purchase the book anywhere that sells books including:

• Amazon / Kindle 
• Barnes & Noble / Nook 
• iTunes

5 Comments

This Thursday, See Me Say Stuff On Stage During the 215 Festival Kickoff Party!

It's true. This Thursday, November 1st at Underground Arts is the opening night kickoff party for the 215 Festival. I'm truly excited for this as I'll be reading excerpts from my upcoming book, Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through. You can find the Facebook info here. "Join" that shit, yo. ("Join" means attend in Facebook invite-speak.)

And, for a full list of events I have coming up, check out my events page. I hope to see your beautiful faces there!

0 Comments

Stop The Presses: I'm Emceeing This Year's Vendy Awards!

I'm incredibly thrilled to be hosting this year's 2nd Annual Vendy Awards on Saturday, July 28th from 3pm - 7pm at The Lot on 39th and Market. The Vendys are a way to recognize and honor the very best of Philly's thriving food truck scene. Some of the city's most talked about food trucks will be there doing what they do best: feeding us the yummiest food you can get on four wheels. 

We'll be awarding honors in three categories: People's Choice, Best Dessert, and The Vendy Cup. Here are the contenders for best dessert:

• Sugar Philly
• Sweet Box
• Little Baby’s Ice Cream’s 
• Lil’ Pop Shop’s

And here are the finalists for the Vendy Cup:

• Tacos Don Memo
• Vernalicious
• The Smoke Truck
• Yumtown 
• The King of Falafel
• The Foo Truck
• Delicias
• Lil Dan’s Gourmet

As emcee, maybe I’ll recite a bunch of food truck-related haikus. Maybe I’ll dress up like a food truck. Maybe I’ll try and marry a food truck and have TLC film it for an episode of “Strange Love.” The possibilities are endless!
You can purchase tickets to the Vendys here. And, go here for Facebook info. Hope to see you there!

0 Comments

Join Me For A LIVE UsedWigs Podcast Taping at L’etage on Tuesday, Dec. 20th!!

From the UsedWigs site:

UsedWigs Holiday Podcast Recording Session
When: Tuesday, December 20, 2011 @ 8:00pm
Where: L’etage on 624 South 6th Street
Admission: FREE!

Our UsedWigs Holiday Shows are always super fun. We’ll have gifts, awesome guests and lots of (snow)ball busting! Plus, you can eat holiday crepes filled with roasted chestnuts or snow or tinsel or any other fillings you want (we don’t judge you on what you eat at our shows.) Unless it’s reindeer, because that is awful and you should feel really ashamed for even asking the waiter about it. Anyway, get over your shame and come to this show or we’ll send Jack Frost (pictured) to come nip at your nose. (He has hidden tiger teeth!) I mentioned guests, and boy oh boy, we are super pumped to have two lovely ladies join us to spread some holiday cheer!

Guests include Anna Goldfarb, a Philadelphia-based author, humorist, and screenwriter. She writes about bonerkillers on Shmitten Kitten and you can follow her on Twitter at @ShmittenKitten. And, Molly Davis, a very funny and popular Twitter personality who hates both her upstairs neighbor and hummus. Don’t bring either to the show! Check in with Molly on Twitter at @Molly_Kats.

This is all taking place at a bar so you can swig a beer while you hear me talk about my two favorite things: being insanely tall and dating squirrely short guys. It's gonna be great. Come!

0 Comments

Tonight My Alter Ego DJ Shmitten Kitten WILL Fuck Shit Up

I'm dusting off my deejay gear and stepping behind the decks to spin at POP THE LID OFF! at Johnny Brenda's. This is both POPPED! music festival's pre-party event as well as Johnny Brenda's 5 year anniversary party. Aside from the rad bands playing, there will be free chips and salsa courtesy of my favorite salsa brand of all time, The Brooklyn Salsa Company. SAY WHAT? Prediction: it's gonna be so yummy you won't even know how to handle it

COME TO THIS! Facebook info is here. You can buy tickets here. I spin on the early side so get there early to catch it. After that, I'll just be maxin' and relaxin' so if you see me, come up and say hi. Weeeeeee!

0 Comments

Get Ready To Do The Arm Gesture Arsenio Hall Did When He Was Excited: Tonight I Will Be Presenting At The Philadelphia Geek Awards!

Guys, that's me on the bottom right! ------------------------------------------------->

I'm honored to be presenting at the Philadelphia Geek Awards tonight. I'll be giving away the award for best new blog, which I'm thrilled about. It's the last award of the evening so when I'm done, we can all party together. I have a few hopes for the event tonight. In particular, I hope:

• I don't trip on the way to the stage
• I don't trip on stage
• I don't trip exiting the stage
• I don't trip walking back to my seat

If I somehow accomplish that feat, the night will be a resounding success. Good luck to all the nominees and good luck to me that I don't wipeout in a public way.

Are you going to the Philly Geek Awards? If you see me, come up and say hi!

0 Comments

Awww Yeah: This Friday I'm Judging The Broetry Slam at National Mechanics

Edgar Allan Bro

In order to celebrate Brian McGackin's debut book, Broetry, Quirk Books is hosting a Broetry Slam at National Mechanics this Friday, July 8th. Are you like, "what's broetry?" Well, here's what it says on the event page:

What's broetry? It is exactly what it sounds like: poetry for dudes. They are poems that articulate man's love of Xbox 360, Mama Celeste's frozen pizza, Bruce Willis, Star Wars conventions, frat parties, and video game tournaments.

The idea behind the slam is simple: much like a poetry slam, we'll be inviting members from the audience onto the microphone at National Mechanics to read their prepared (or spontaneous!) broems.

A panel of expert judges will select the winners and award them appropriate, bro-like prizes: Xbox Live Points from Geekadelphia, tasty beverages and noms from National Mechanics, a manly mini-library from Quirk Books, high fives, and Bruce Willis DVDs. We will have a fine array of swag to hand out to the best of the broets.

Come with your collars popped and your hair blown out, as we'll have awards for the best overall costume. If you aren't in costume and just so happen to win the award, well, we apologize. The champion of the evening will be awarded the title Broet Laurette of Philadelphia, and we'll publish your brilliant poem (and a video of the performance!) on here and on Quirkbooks.com.

I'll be on hand as a judge to find the Best Bro. It'll be like if America's Got Talent smushed with Jersey Shore! Come on out. Facebook info is here.

0 Comments

POPPED! Festival Lineup Announced

How rad does this year's POPPED! festival look? Check it out:

Guys, the freakin' Shins are playing. Even though I hate Zack Braff with the intensity of 1,000 burning suns, I still gotta post this:

I'm so stoked! Who else is going?

4 Comments

Reminder: Tomorrow I Will Be A Judge At A Full Plate's First Annual Chili Cook-Off

Tomorrow, Saturday, June 11th, I will be a judge at A Full Plate Café's First Annual Chili Cook-Off. Here are the details again reposted from my favorite local food blog, Mac and Cheese whose creator Taylor will be co-judging the event as well:

After four years of hosting a rib cook-off, Shannon Dougherty and Liz Petersen of A Full Plate Café have decided to host a chili cook-off (don't worry, the rib cook-off will go down this year at a later date) Saturday, June 11 from noon to 3pm at Liberty Lands Park.

First, second, and "peoples' choice" prizes for both amateur and professional teams will be awarded in three categories of chili: red, white, and vegan.

If you think you've got a killer chili recipe and want to prove it, you'll need to pony up $25 to compete, and get an application in by Friday, June 3 at 4pm. To view the official rules and application form, visit A Full Plate's Chili Cook-off Facebook event page, or email info@afullplate.net.

Just want to eat chili? Come ready to rumble at high noon! Admission is $12 for adults and kids over 12, $6 for kids (5 and under are free), and allows all-you-can-eat samples of chili, and, of course, the always awesome A Full Plate buffet of veggie sides.

Come!!!!! I'm judging the white chili category and my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

0 Comments

Attention People Who Like To Eat Chili: Come To This!

I'm excited to announce that I will be a judge at A Full Plate Café's First Annual Chili Cook-Off on Saturday, June 11th. Here are the details reposted from local food blog Mac and Cheese, whose creator Taylor will be co-judging the event as well:

After four years of hosting a rib cook-off, Shannon Dougherty and Liz Petersen of A Full Plate Café have decided to host a chili cook-off (don't worry, the rib cook-off will go down this year at a later date) Saturday, June 11 from noon to 3pm at Liberty Lands Park.

First, second, and "peoples' choice" prizes for both amateur and professional teams will be awarded in three categories of chili: red, white, and vegan.

If you think you've got a killer chili recipe and want to prove it, you'll need to pony up $25 to compete, and get an application in by Friday, June 3 at 4pm. To view the official rules and application form, visit A Full Plate's Chili Cook-off Facebook event page, or email info@afullplate.net.

Just want to eat chili? Come ready to rumble at high noon! Admission is $12 for adults and kids over 12, $6 for kids (5 and under are free), and allows all-you-can-eat samples of chili, and, of course, the always awesome A Full Plate buffet of veggie sides.

I am so stoked for this. I assume it's BYOB (bring your own Beano). Oh man, this is gonna be awesome!

3 Comments

This Saturday: Watch As I Shovel Cupcakes In My Face For A Good Cause

I'm excited to announce that I will be a "celebrity judge" this Saturday, April 30th at the Piazza for the Cupcake Smash. Yes, I will be one-third of a panel to decide which cupcake gets added to PYT's menu. So much power! So much authority! I'm already practicing my evil laugh.

You're probably wondering what qualifies me to be a celebrity judge. Don't worry, I wondered too. But then I thought about it and I've eaten cupcakes my whole life. And, I've had opinions about the cupcakes I've eaten so there's that. I'm totally qualified for this!

With that out of the way, I then wondered if I'm the Paula Adbul or the Randy Jackson in this panel of judges. I like calling things "pitchy" so maybe I'm the Randy? I can't imagine I'm the Simon. I'd have to be mean and wear a V-neck t-shirt. I was planning on wearing a dress.

Well, I guess that makes me the Paula? I'll have to practice slurring my words then. I'll also have to pick a fight with another judge if he's too harsh on a contestant. And cry a lot. Yeah, I can do that. Ok, I'll be the Paula. Shit, now I gotta get prescription pills and a small, yappy dog. Hold on. I gotta make a few phone calls.

This is a great event and all the proceeds will go to Philabundance, a terrific cause. 

Click here for more info. Yum!

6 Comments

Tonight We're Gonna Rock You Tonight!

Tonight, Jenna and I will be taking over Rocktits!. Behold: ROCKTITTEN! It's all going down at the POPE in South Philly. Look out, because engines WILL be revved.

This radical pic was taken by Scott Pommier for Gnarlitude

Hope to see you there!

0 Comments

Behold: ROCKTITTEN!

Shmitten Kitten, the world's best blog about dating for people who probably wouldn't ever read a blog about dating, and Rocktits!, the world's best weekly rock 'n' roll party night, are having a baby and she has a need for speed. Behold: ROCKTITTEN! It's all going down next Wednesday, Nov. 17th at the POPE in South Philly.

This radical pic was taken by Scott Pommier for Gnarlitude

Shit's gonna get real VERY QUICK. Vroom vroom, boys.

1 comments