Sly Fox Beer + Shmitten Kitten = Sly Fox Shmitten Kitten Kölsch

Attention thirsty people: For a limited time only, you can now imbibe Shmitten Kitten IN BEER FORM! How rad it that? SO RAD!

A few weeks ago Lora, Suzy Woods, and I trekked over to Sly Fox and brewed a Kölsch, which is a light German beer purrrrfect for Springtime sipping. Here's a slideshow we made so you can get a taste of the process:





So now it is with great pleasure that I proudly present to you the fruits of our labor, Sly Fox Shmitten Kitten Kölsch:

You can find our beer on tap in dozens of bars across Philly like the POPE, Johnny Brenda's, Standard Tap, The South Philly Tap Room, and Tattooed Mom's to name a few. Once I have the full list of bars who will have it on draft, I'll be sure to let y'all know on here. You can also peep our Facebook page and our Twitter stream for updates about where it will be.

And, be sure to join us on Wednesday, April 6th at the POPE from 7pm-10pm for the Official Sly Fox Shmitten Kitten Beer Release Party. Shit is gonna be off the hook. We're gonna have balloons and music and a shitton of our beer. Come on down and share a pint with us. Facebook info is here. Cheers!

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This Is Boyfriend Material Right Here, You Guys

A KITTY CAT CHESTPIECE! Could you imagine pulling off his shirt and seeing this work of art?

I'd be like this:

I need a cold shower. STAT.

via Philly Kitty, Gin and Jewess

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Pics and Vids: Oh No! Can He See Me?

I don't know why, but this made me cackle.

I love how terrified she is, gasping into her cordless phone with her buddy list flashing on her clunky computer monitor. We've all been there, Carrie! The Internet is a scary place.

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Bonerkiller: Excessive Embroidery On His Back Pockets

When he turned around, I flipped my shades but not for the normal reason: I had to shield my peepers from the glare of his overly embroidered back pockets. I full-on winced when I saw the intricate gold design swirling around his butt cheeks like it was an artistic representation of Louis XIV being flushed down a toilet.

I can't believe he picked those jeans out, tried them on, looked at himself in the dressing room mirror, nodded in approval and bought them. He looks like he sat on the Vegas strip and it morphed onto his body. I mean, does he know that his butt looks like Liberace JO'ed on denim?

If I'm being honest, I have to say that given the choice of a flashy tush and a less flashy tush, I'd prefer a less flashy tush. There's no need for so much embroidery on a man's garment. I don't even want to notice any pockets on his jeans! Who needs to call that much attention to their ass anyway? Let me discover how amazing it is; build up some buzz like an indie movie or a band that only has a 7'' out. Let me discover it; at least give me that. Please, just go for plain pockets, people. This is horrible.

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The Word On The Street Is That It's My Birthday Today

And, it's totally true! I'll assume that you're sending me well-wishes mentally right now.

This is an accurate picture of me enjoying my day:




So, in honor of my birthday, I'm going to post about my favorite thing ever: adorable short guys. I'll pause for cheers.

I wish I could have a huge birthday cake with a ton of short guys standing around nervously checking their iPhones as the candles. That'd be the hugest, squirelliest, cutest cake EVER! Could you imagine? I want so many short guys on my cake that they'd have to consult the Guinness Book of World Records to see if this was the most short guys ever assembled in one place checking their smartphones. I want to see guys like this:

How amazing would that be?




This is a great idea. Right, Kevin Arnold?

What do you think, Oprah? This is gonna be awesome, right?




Whatever. Party pooper.

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Collar Tugger

via

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Hey Shania, This Guy Says That He's Gonna Call Me "Sometime Next Week"

Should I believe him?

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And The Winner Of Our First Ever March Madness Is...

With 59% of the vote, guys with long fingernails scratched their way to the top, taking the title as the WORST BONERKILLER OF ALL TIME! Men take heed and trim yer shit, yo. It's not cute.

No thanks, bud

Ewwwww

Gross, dude

Oh, god! Make it stop

Thanks so much to everyone who voted. This was a ton of fun and we'll definitely do it again next year.

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Pics and Vids: Break-Up Sweatpants

This clip is form the glorious show Michael and Michael Have Issues, which is now on Netflix on Demand THANK GOD. Seriously, I wanna marry this skit. Whenever I'm in a bad mood I watch it. It's a total mood reverser. 

Michael & Michael Have Issues
Break-Up Sweatpants
www.comedycentral.com
Jokes The Comedy Awards The Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump

The MOPER COLLECTION! HAHA!

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Shmitten Kitten's March Madness FINAL ROUND: What's The Worst Bonerkiller OF ALL TIME!

With almost 1,500 votes tallied, I now present you with the final match up for our first ever March Madness bracket. And, it's come down to hands vs. mouths. Your top two contenders:

* Guys with long fingernails*
vs

* Heavy smokers*

Which one is the ultimate sin: A guy who looks part-werewolf and might scratch you inadvertently or a guy who wakes up hacking and coughing from his nasty habit? A guy who looks like he plays bass in a goth band or a guy who's hair, clothes and skin all smell like a moldy ashtray?

This:

or this:

Click here to vote for the
WORST BONERKILLER OF ALL TIME!

I'll post the winner on Friday. Any predictions on who will take the title? Leave 'em in the comments.

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Hello? Is It Me You're Looking For?

via Shlooby Kitten

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What It Feels Like To Find Him On Facebook But Not Be Able To Either See His Pictures Or Find Out If He's Single Because Of His Stupid Privacy Settings

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Damn, You've Changed!

I was led to believe by your OkCupid profile that you enjoyed Belle & Sebastian more than you actually do.



Now you're just the man I'm yelling at IRL. WHAT THE FUCK???

[via]

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For People Who Enjoy Looking At "Gorgeous Men"

Here's a video of a 1996 photoshoot for a womens' calendar. If you like ripped jeans and even more ripped muscles, by all means, push play. All aboard. Next stop: HUNKS!



The pose at 0:47 is probably the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

[via Everything is Terrible]

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Pics and Vids: I See Where The Confusion Stems From

More cute glasses, plaid shirts and hoodies; less makeshift capes, Cheetos crumbs and adult acne.

[via]

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Shmitten Kitten's March Madness: What's The Worst Bonerkiller OF ALL TIME! Round Three

Our March Madness bracket is heating up. I now present you with your top 4:

* Guys with long fingernails vs. Loud chewers

* Heavy smokers vs. Guys who have limp, clammy handshakes 

Click here to vote for the
WORST BONERKILLER OF ALL TIME!

I'll post the results from this round on Wednesday with the final winner of the last round revealed on Friday. Any predictions on who will take the title? Leave 'em in the comments.

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Party Animals With A Massive Case Of Spring Fever Are The FUCKING BEST!

I'd ride the night with him is all I'm saying. Sure, I might lose a little bit of my dignity and/or a contact lens at some point, but it'd be worth it to finally get a buzz while showing off my legs for the first time in like, five fucking months.  

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Every Time A Weirdo Beardo Lip Syncs To Anita Baker, An Angel Gets To Do A Gonzo Grab At A Fishtown House Party

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He Said That He Doesn't Dance?

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My Unsolicited Thoughts On Corey Feldman's New Haircut

 

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Pics and Vids: Sometimes I'm The Cat, Sometimes I'm The Box

This is relevant to my interests.

[via]

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Shmitten Kitten's March Madness: What's The Worst Bonerkiller OF ALL TIME! Round Two

Yesterday, we asked you guys to vote on the worst bonerkiller OF ALL TIME! I tossed on a lab coat, pulled my hair into a ponytail, then lit a Bunsen burner as I analyzed the data from hundreds of votes. Having crunched the numbers, I present you with your top 8:

* Guys with long fingernails vs. Philosophers

* Guys who text the letters "c", "r" and "u" instead of the whole word vs. Loud chewers

* Heavy smokers vs. Guys who pressure you do a shot even though you're not in the mood

* Guys who have limp, clammy handshakes vs. Guys with a soul patch

Click here to vote for the
WORST BONERKILLER OF ALL TIME!

Check back on Monday for round three. This is gettin' good! Any predictions of who you think will win? Leave 'em in the comments. Personally, I hope that Guys with long fingernails sweeps it.

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Not Gonna Lie, I'm Enjoying Walking Arm-in-Arm With Him

His arm is firm, his elbow steady. He's bringing my arm in close to his, like a clamp champ. This is probably the most confident elbow I've ever caressed. His elbow is taking this arm-in-arm thing seriously. Let me tell you, it ain't going anywhere.

There's nothing I hate more than trying to wind my way around a wobbly, apathetic arm while we're walking along the street, dodging dogs and small children. Fuck those wobbly HELLbows in their stupid, loose faces.

THIS elbow takes control. He's not gonna let me trip or step in a puddle. If his elbow ran for political office, I'd probably vote for it. Hell, I'd trust that elbow with my gmail password AND my social security number. I'm in the trust tree walking next to him. I'm not kidding; I could do this all night!

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Diamond Dave Is My Spirit Animal Today

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Shmitten Kitten's March Madness: What's The Worst Bonerkiller OF ALL TIME! Round One

I wanted to get in on some hot bracket action so in the spirit of March Madness, you guys are going to vote on the worst bonerkiller OF ALL TIME! I'll give you 16 terrible, stupid turn-offs that guys do. You pick the worst of the two given choices and so on and so on until we have a winner. I'll update the bracket every 24 hours or so. Here's a picture of the the thing:

Click on this link to vote for the
WORST BONERKILLER OF ALL TIME!

Round one! Let's go.

[Update] With hundreds of votes tallied so far, this is how it stands. The one with the higher percentage of votes is highlighted in pink:

• Guys who constantly crack their knuckles 5%
• Guys with long fingernails 95%
  
  
• Philosophers 53%
• Sports fanatics 46%
  
  
• Guys who make fun of you for believing in horoscopes 18%
• Guys who text the letters "c", "r" and "u" instead of the whole word 82%
  
  
• Guys who constantly fiddle with their iPhone 26%
• Loud chewers 65%
  
  
• Gamblers 42%
• Heavy smokers 58%
  
  
• Guys who just text you the word "hey" 41%
• Guys who pressure you do a shot even though you're not in the mood 49%
  
  
• Guys with chapped lips 35%
• Guys who have limp, clammy handshakes 65%
  
  
• Guys who have feminine hands 34%
• Guys with a soul patch 66%

Keep voting!

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When He Calls Me Up And Asks Me To Pick The Restaurant For Our First Date And My Mind Goes Blank And I Can't Think Of A Single Place To Suggest So I Make Awkward Noises While I Try To Think Of Somewhere

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Attention People Who Like To Initiate Slow Claps: Watch This

This clip of Mario re-imagined as an indie movie is amazing. How amazing? Let's just say that I wanted to stand up at the end and do a slow clap at my computer monitor.



Bravo, sirs. Bravo.

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The Difference Between The Sexes

Men
Break up day:


A week later:


A month later:



Women
Break up day:


A week later:


A month later:

[adapted from here]

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Story Time For The Guys: What Has Reading Shmitten Kitten Taught You?

Our student body

A while back, one of our male readers left a comment on our Facebook page saying that reading this site has taught him a lot about whe he should and shouldn't do while dating. I pressed him for specifics and he said since reading Shmitten Kitten, he has eliminated potential bonerkillers preemptively. Oh, and he went out and bought a full-length mirror too. 

SUCCESS! We influenced a guy's dating behavior for the better! We can know add "unlicensed educators" to our resumes.

So, naturally, hearing from him made me wonder if we had had the same affect on any of our other male readers. Question: Have you learned anything from reading the site? Have you changed any habits? Have you seen results from those changes? Tell me in the comments.

Thanks, dudes. If I can prevent at least one man from wearing an excessively baggy shirt on a first date, then my job here is done. You can't see me, but I'm saluting the American flag right now. If this post were a Full House episode, Danny Tanner would be sitting on the edge of DJ's bed with his arm around her and the soft music would play as he explains the lesson of the episode. Yeah. Just like that.

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