Slowing my roll is the toughest thing in the universe. Part of me wants to write his name on my calendar IN PEN on every day from now to eternity, but another part of me is like, "reel it in, woman. At least pretend that there are other people on this planet you want to give some facetime to so he's not tipped off to your freakazoid obsession with him." I hear ya, girl. It's the pits.As soon as I find a guy I’m interested in, the prospect of spending time with him immediately trumps all other potential social engagements. I become reluctant to schedule plans with any other friends too far in advance on the off-chance that he might text me at the last minute to hang out. I’m so afraid of missing out on a couple hours with him that I end up missing out on literally everything else.
Must. Appear. Busier.
Why do I do this? Has his ridiculously adorable face and awesome wardrobe caused temporary amnesia in the part of my brain that holds all of the dating clichés like, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and, “never make yourself too available?” This is some bush league, amateur hour nonsense I’m pulling here. I should know better than to act like this!
When he actually does get around to texting me, I know I should make him sweat it out for a little bit wondering if I’ll respond. But for some reason, as soon as I see his name appear on my screen, I’m on my phone faster than Ke$ha's on a bathtub filled with glitter and Jack Daniels. In the words of R. Kelly, my mind is telling me no, but my body is telling me to text him back immediately.
The worst part is, I’m painting myself as an anti-social recluse whose calendar is about as full as an Econ101 lecture hall the Friday before Spring break which couldn't be further from the truth. Normally, I can’t even find enough time to return the movie I rented to the Redbox two blocks from my house or pick up my prescription from CVS, but for him, it seems, I’ll drop everything.
Seriously, this happens to me ONCE A WEEK! Usually it's right around the time when I notice something exciting happening the following weekend and I think it'd be fun if we went together as a couple. That energy must be psychically transmitted to him because he'll peace out faster than a cheapskate does when the check comes at a group birthday dinner.You've all heard the story: Girl meets boy at a cookout. Girl charms boy with her quick wit and big appetite. Phone numbers are exchanged, frequent texting ensues. Sounds like the beginning of a summer fling fairy tale right? Well it might be until something I like to call High Hopes Syndrome sets in.
Will I ever learn to not get my hopes up?
I've been in this position before. It will be a week into this playful banter/flirty text paradise when I casually mention him to my friends. They'll get excited and start pestering me for details so naturally, I'll fill them in. Right then at that very moment, my hopes will soar higher than the notes on a Mariah Carey record. I can't help it! Something about falling into a communication routine quickly with him gets me all worked up and before I know it, I've got this boy on the brain all day. I'll remind myself that it’s new and chances are we'll just be friends for now. I'll laugh at myself for checking my phone when it hasn't beeped, flashed or buzzed in while. I'll even prepare myself for that daily late night phone call: All the symptoms of HHS.
The second week comes along and dates are being planned. I'm trying to figure out a way to impress him without looking like I tried too hard. I'll check the restaurant menu online so I don't look indecisive when we get there. I’m obsessing over the tiny details when suddenly things change; he's not texting or calling as frequently. In fact, I haven't heard from him for a whole day. I can't call him out on the disappearing act because really, I'm just getting to know him.
This is the beginning of the end. Another day passes and the silence continues. The air has been let out of my balloon. Deflated, it dawns on me that I had my hopes way too high. It's crazy how attached I became to the routine that lasted all of five days. If only I could muster this amount of enthusiasm for the gym I recently joined. I'd love to be able to say that I keep my cool when a crush sets in but its damn near impossible to suppress those ridiculous giddy emotions. The thirst is real and my hopes are too damn high.
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| Here's our favorite ice cream connoisseur eating street gelato at Parc Güell in Barcelona. |
SK: So Jeff, what is the most romantic flavor of ice cream and why?There are so many inappropriate licking/melting/dripping ice cream comments I could insert right here but I won't. Just yum. Jeff also said that he likes drinking champagne outdoors, savoring single-malt scotch whisky, shooting guns and watching the Phillies, and finds smoking gross but yet sometimes a turn-on. All that combined with his Euro-traveling, french-kissing, tricycle-pedaling, Sex Pistols-listening, ice-cream making skills and there's not much more you could ask for. Screw the sprinkles and cherry on top, he doesn't even need it!
Jeff: The most romantic flavor of ice cream is called 'Sambayon' by a shop called Vioko on the seaside in Barcelona. I am not going to describe its flavor but, much like the substance described in the song, "Love Potion No. 9," once it hit my lips, I was possessed to start French kissing everything and everyone around me.
SK: What's your idea of a perfect Philly date?
Jeff: I'm unsure if this is supposed to be "my" perfect Philly date or the most perfect "Philly" date. The most perfect "Philly" date would be a couple each wrapping up a Jim's steak with a slice of Lorenzo's pizza and then eating it by the dirty river. "My" perfect Philly date already happened and it was riding a tandem bike down Broad Street after the Phillies won the World Series.
SK: What do most guys do wrong when they're out with a girl?
Jeff: I don't know; I only know weirdos. Maybe most guys are boring and that's what they do wrong? Maybe get too drunk on the date? Also, after reading Dan Savage's Savage Love column for the last decade, I don't know if my conception of right and wrong matches up with most people.
SK: What's the worst thing a girl can do on a date?
Jeff: Walk another boy to his car and kiss him goodnight.
SK: Tell us a secret!
Jeff: That last thing happened [to me].
SK: Seriously? Ouch. Where's the most romantic place in Philly?
Jeff: Ugh, I don't know. Backstage at the Academy of Music? The little gondola behind the Art Museum? This city is dirty and not that romantic. I just got back from Europe, FYI.
SK: What do you like most about Philly girls?
Jeff: The horrible accent.
SK: What would you put on a mix tape for a girl that you liked?
Jeff: Sex Pistols' "No Feelings," Blitz's "Vicious," and Motorhead's "Fast and Loose"
SK: Would you date someone who hated ice cream, if such a person existed?
Jeff: If I ever found it in myself to date again, I would be so overcome by the newly-formed emotional connection that I probably wouldn't care about much else.
1. NYC Peech Boys - Life Is Something SpecialWant more mixes? Sign up for the Shmitten Kitten Mix of the Month Club and make it happen, Cap'n.
2. Rufus & Chaka Khan - Ain't Nobody
3. Nu Shooz - I Can't Wait
4. Javelin - Lindsay Brohan
5. Gwen Gutherie - Padlock
6. Wish & Fonda Rae - Touch Me
7. Dana Rayne - Object of My Desire
8. Evelyn 'Champagne' King - Love Come Down
9. Eddie Murphy - Boogie in Your Butt
10. Klymaxx - Divas Need Love Too
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| How was your date? It was awesome. We sat around and stared at the computer. |
